Sunday, May 15, 2011

We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties

I should be way more excited than I am about this 81 second game. After all, 81 seconds is a really great time and was my fastest time ever just a few weeks ago. The problem is, this was the game that could have very easily been my first in the 60's. If only it wasn't for my damn mouse.

I know, I know. A good craftsman doesn't blame his tools. Blah, blah, blah. I think that's bullshit. If Norm Abrams had a shitty lathe in the New Yankee Workshop that ended up ruining every table leg, I'm pretty sure he'd be like: "Hey PBS, I need a new lathe because this one blows. So sell some more tote bags and get me a good one so I can finish this chest of drawers and go home and pick all the saw dust out of my fucking beard."

I'm only guessing that's what he would say, but you'd have to consult him to see if it's accurate.

Back to my thing. For the last few weeks I've been noticing that sometimes when I try and move the mouse to the right the mouse is moving but the cursor arrow is stuck in one place. I've tried cleaning all the crap off the little bars inside but it still keeps happening. Maybe that's what I get for still having a rollball mouse, but I'm poor. Sue me.

The end result of this mouse-function is there are times in a minesweeper game when I can't get to the square I need to mark with a flag or click on. And that kills good scores. This week I was grooving to some Priscilla Ahn while playing when I got the greatest gift a minesweeper could ask for: a quick start. I clicked on a new game to get started and half the boxes cleared leaving the perfect opportunity for a really fast game. By the time I was down to 9 mines left to go I was only at 55 seconds and I started to get excited. (I know, my life is kind of sad, but what can I do?) Then the mouse started fucking with me and I ended up having to pick it up and tap it down to get it to move right.

By the time I made it through the next 9 mines I ended up with this 81 second game, which didn't live up to the high standard set by Kate Upton's breasts in the background. I'm sorry Kate. I'm sorry. It was all the mouse's fault, you have to believe me.

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