As of about 22 minutes ago I am now 35 years old. Let me just pause for a moment to let that sink in... Alright, with that done I'll get to my point. When I was about 15 years old I came up with the idea that the only three birthdays that matter in your life are your 18th, 21st and 35th. At 18 you can buy cigarettes, lotto tickets, porn and also vote and serve in the military. At 21 you can legally during and at 35 you can be president of this ramshackle of states we call a country.
I voted in '96, '00, '04 and '08 but only because I had to pick someone else to do the job while I was ripening. Now that I have blossomed into a Constitutionally legal 35 year old it's time to throw my hat into the ring. So here goes:
I, Greazy Tony, am announcing my candidacy for the Presidency of the United States.
Wow, it feels good to finally type that and get the process under way. I will run on a platform of CFS or "common fucking sense" coupled with a solemn vow to do what is best for real people and fuck over every large business who puts their hand out. I'll rob the rich of the money they robbed from the poor and turn around and give it back to the poor. And, perhaps most importantly, I pledge to invade Canada within the first 100 days of my presidency just because I don't like the way they've been looking at us of late.
I'm Greazy Tony, and I approved this message.