Thursday, May 12, 2011

Keep the Peace, or We Could Be in Pieces

While many people see this photo as a cute mishap between a loved pet and a loved stuffed animal, I see it as a crime scene. Where's the yellow crime scene tape? Where is the chalk outline of poor old Scooby? More importantly, where is the justice?

This lovable lil guy is Frank The Tank, who is owned by the lovely Lauren Phillips of Melbourne Australia. Inky and Greazy follow her on Twitter because she dates Gary Ablett Jr who used to play for their Aussie Rules team. I'm sure she, like most of you humans, value their living pets above their stuffed ones, but we have feelings too. If you prick us do we not spill stuffing? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you leave us out in the rain do we not mildew? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?

That's right motherfuckers, I read Shakespeare too.

I was lucky growing up in that Greazy's family didn't have too many pets. By the time they got a dog full time I had moved to Pennsylvania with Greazy for college so I never had to worry about being torn limb from limb like Scooby. I did have to survive a dozen or so dicey years ducking the wrath of Greazy's older brother who loved nothing more than torturing me. I got back at him by fucking his beloved stuffed dog Jennifer.

In the end I just want to remind all of you to look out for all your fluffy friends. Keep the stuffed ones away from the breathing ones and we'll all be happy.

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