Saturday, May 14, 2011

Anatomy of a Perfect "Man Day"

Not only is my career interregnum winding down, it's getting ready to crash headlong into a 50 hour, 6 day work week. No doubt this 180 degree transition is going to be a shock to my system, like jumping out of a sauna into the Arctic Sea. So before I take the plunge I thought I should have a bit of fun. Inky and I talked about taking a trip somewhere, but now didn't seem like the right time to spend all the money it would take to do something fun. So Inky, being the 12 time defending Wife of the Year that she is suggested that I take a day out for myself to do all the things I love to do. So that's what I did.

So on Thursday I left the house after noon and set my course for Charm City. On a trip like this it's always important to keep your strength up, so my first priority was getting some grub. I headed to the Highlandtown neighborhood to a place called the G&A Restaurant. Long famous for their Coney style dogs, I was torn about what to get. I opted for a Coney dog appetizer followed by their signature sliders which were amazing.

The burgers were cooked perfectly, and were complemented very well by the ketchup, mustard and pickle. The fries were also excellent and arrived pipping hot, fresh from the oil. I'm sure I'll be back to Eastern Ave to try something else from their menu, but with no AC it might have to wait till October or so.

After the G&A my next stop was just a few miles away on Baltimore St where I was in search of T&A. If forced to choose between a place like the G&A and a good ole fashioned strip club, I just don't know what I would do. Luckily, I don't have to make that choice and I followed up my lunch with a little trip to Uncle Larry's, better known as Larry Flint's Hustler Club. Once inside I spent a few hours enjoying myself in the company of a few otherwise bored strippers. Being the afternoon shift it was just me for the first hour I was there and I became kind of like their pet, albeit a buck at a time.

After getting only my second ever menage-a-lapdance I thought I might be done for the day, but alas the spiked heal of fate had other ideas for me. One of the dancers accidentally kicked me in the shoulder on stage and to thank me for being cool about it she offered me an extra long dance. To turn down such a thank you from a nice young lady would have been ungallant of me. Four songs later I was faced with a dilemma which saw me phone a friend for help Regis style.

I had enough money left for another lap dance (and there was one more dancer I had my eye on) or enough for a ticket to the O's game. I texted XL to see what he would do in my situation and when he heard about the embarrassment of riches that was my afternoon of denim grinding he implored me to go to the ballpark. For one thing, the O's best young pitcher in years, Zach Britton, was pitching. Second: the weather was about as good as you get for a ball game. And third, it was Vladimir Guerrero t-shirt day. So off I went.

I opted for a cheep dinner outside of the park at a sandwich place called Jimmy Johns which is a chain new to the Baltimore area. Once I packed away my #5 Vito, chips and about five cups of Tea I went over to the ballpark not knowing what to expect from by beloved O's.

Times are tough in birdland these days with the team failing to even finish above .500 since 1997. But, I always try and remain positive, even when the last 13 years have shown me that I probably shouldn't. On this day, however, everything clicked in to place. Britton had about as good a game as I've seen a 23 year old throw in years posting 9 innings of shut out ball while walking none, striking out 5 and giving up just 3 hits.

Sadly, the Seattle's Jason Vargas was nearly as good (9/7/0/1/4) and the game went into extra innings with no score. I thought my perfect day might be ruined when Ichiro scored for the M's in the top of the 12th but there was a bit of Orioles Magic waiting in the the bottom. The good guys loaded the bases on a single and two HBP's and after one out J.J. Hardy singled in 2 runs to win it.

I drove all the way home with a big smile on my face, after what was a fantastic day. When I got home I got one more reason to smile when I tried on the free t-shirt I had picked up at the game. (picture above) It's been a real long time since I've been able to wear the shirts they give away, but now I can. The only thing missing in my day was a bit of company in the form of Inky or XL, but we'll have plenty of time to try for another perfect day later.

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