Saturday, December 12, 2009

It's Really Good Shit. I Got it From a Wallaby

While I neither condone nor suggest the use of hard drugs, I will say that if you want to score some primo heroin just see a Tasmanian Wallaby. Apparently they can get the really good shit; and they get it right from the source. As of right now, they haven't progressed to the point where they are selling, but it's only a matter of time. For the time being the noble Wallabies are just busting into the legal poppie fields and eating the poppies before tripping out in the fields for a spell. While high, the marsupials hop around in circles creating patterns which some liken to crop circles. Today they are recreational users, but you know that won't last. Before you know it they're going to be slinging so much H we'll need to get Steven Seagal down there to take care of it.

"Watch this guy's pouch..."

This is no joke. Inky and I faced down a few wallaby street toughs in Queensland back in '05, and lived to tell the tale. I can't say definitively if THOSE wallabies were strung out, but while I tried to feed the one you see above another tried to lift my wallet. As we slowly backed away it said to me "aww please mate, just I few bucks. I just need a taste... I'll suck your dick."

Needless to say, I was happy we got out of there when we did... about 15 minutes later... and twenty bucks lighter... and surprisingly relaxed. If only they could all be Yellow Footed Rock Wallabies. Those guys give lousy head, but they never touch the hard stuff and are pretty nice blokes. True story.

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