There are some words, phrases and sayings in the English language that seem harmless to most people. But those same words in the hands of a twisted mind like, oh, let's say... mine, become utterly hilarious. For instance, when most people hear a basketball announcer say that a player "is positioning himself to get deeper penetration" they know that he is talking about a guard trying to dribble into the paint. That's not the first thing I think of, however. My mind goes where it wants, and it cares nothing about your intentions. If it wants to hear dirty and juvenile, it will.
So when my beloved Geelong Cats travel up to Brisbane to take on the Lions this weekend, Inky and I will be forced to make joke after joke about some of the Lion's names. First and foremost is Jed Adcock, a small defender who plays a physical style of... oh who am I kidding! The guys name is Adcock. Like a step in a recipe: ... bring to a simmer, then add cock. Inky and I have been joking for years about his name along with a host of other genital related names in the AFL. We think you could form a whole team made up soley of names that, when heard with a twisted ear, sound like penis. Johncock, Laycock, Dick, Ball, Swallow, Cox and a host of Johnsons all draw laughs when ever we watch the footy. What do you want me to say? I'm sorry that I'm not sorry. Okay? I'm not going to apologize... I'm a cocksman.
Penis sounding names are great and all, but the reason I wrote this post was not for Jed Adcock. Instead I'd like to introduce you to two thirds of the Lions midfield. They are: Simon Black, Luke Power, Daniel Rich and Albert Proud. These are their actual names, and on their own there's nothing funny here. But when you hear an announcer say Black, Power or Black and Proud it's easy to make jokes. And we do!
Plus, when all listed together: Black, Rich, Proud and Power, the first thing that pops into my head is: Oprah! See, I told you I had a twisted mind.