Monday, May 04, 2009
This Week in Subliminal Racism
I know people have been spotting Elvis for the last 30 years, so this should come as no surprise to anyone, but: Tupac is alive! So sayeth the paragon of in depth reporting: TMZ. They got their hands on the photo you see on the right above, which just has to be Tupac... right? That photo was taken in New Orleans last week but that's not the only place Tupac has been seen lately. He also popped up on April 15th at a Celtics game in Boston. Wow, for a guy who faked his own death he's certainly playing fast and loose with his anonimity these days.
Let's examine the evidence people are using to determine the fact that these guys are Tupac, who, by the way, was killed 13 years ago in Vegas. Black: check. Nose ring in the left nostril: check. Bald head, possibly with bandanna tied in the front: check. Goatee: check. Wow, that is pretty rock solid, how could I possibly argue with that? I mean, other than the lack of tattoos on Celtics-Tupac and the fact that the TMZ pics are all pretty shitty. But it just has to be him, right?
This is the equivalent of: they all look alike. It makes me think about the song "My Hooptie" by Sir Mix-A-Lot in which he talks about a traffic stop by the cops where he and his crew are mistaken for drug dealers. "We fit a stereotype, that's what he said, big black car, four big black heads... cops took my wallet, looked at my licence, his partner said 'damn they all look like Tyson.'"
Don't get me wrong, I know that Tupac made more money last year than most zip codes did, but that doesn't mean he's still alive. If he was alive, do you think he'd be running around looking just like he did in the 90's? No way. He'd at least change his nose ring from the left side to the right and start tying his bandanna in the back or on the side. It's just common sense, isn't it. In the end, I fear the only way to put this nonsense to rest is to dig Elvis and Tupac up and do some DNA testing.