Sunday, May 17, 2009

Stiff of the Week: Rick Perry

In the history of political posturing nothing has ever risen to the level of the ridiculous like Rick Perry. Perry is the Governor of Texas, so chosen by 39.3% of the electorate in 2006. I'm thinking that he might see the 61.7% of Texas voters who didn't want to see him get another term unite to put him out of work next year. That is, at least, if he insists on doing this cute little dance with the idea of Texas seceding from the Union.

First and foremost, there is absolutely no chance that the Lone Star State will ever become the Lone Star Nation. Just like all those beg belt buckle wearing hicks remember fondly a time when Texas was a Republic, their neighbors to the south remember just as well a time when it was part of Mexico. The ink wouldn't be dry on the articles of secession before the Mexican Army and the drug cartels began carving off pieces of Big Tex. But that's neither here nor there. The important thing is this: Texas can not stand on it's own, which practically speaking is true for just about every state in our glorious Union.

It's all bluster from a political party who has decided to retreat to it's base. They some how think that they have to reinforce their standing with the people that were already with them. It would be like sending an Evite to 100 people that you want to come to a party, knowing that 35% of them are going to come for sure, and that 35% of them will never come no matter how good the BBQ is. Rather than focusing on either of those committed groups to have a successful party, you want to follow up with the other 30% who are on the fence. The Republicans can't stop emailing, texting, calling and trying to impress the 35% of people who have already RSVP'd yes to the Evite, no matter how much it turns off the rest of us in that middle 30%.

And so they turn down stimulus money that their state could actually use. They act as if our nation has descended into some kind of dictatorial junta rather than realizing that a large portion of that middle ground group has RSVP'd to the party across the street. Not seeing this, they make proclamations that would have been ridiculous when they were in power, and grab their car keys and say they're leaving the house to hang out with their buddies for a few nights. It would be funny if it weren't so dangerous, but in the end it's just juvenile.

It reminds me of a time when I was 12 or 13 and I was mad at my mom and dad for something. My mom found me looking at apartment ads in the newspaper, just like my 18 year old sister had done when she moved out. She asked me how I was going to pay for my apartment, how I was going to get to school, buy food and clothes as well as a million other things I relied on them for. I had no answer, and so I had to begrudgingly agree to live 5 or 6 more years in the Union of Soviet Susan and Ralph. (see what I did there?)

Well Rick Perry needs to start thinking about who is going to do all those things a parent does for it's kid, because that's what the Federal Government does for it's 50 kids. Perry wants to complain about how the Federal Government does it's job, but forgets that his state has the second largest congressional delegation, making them a big part of the process. In the end, the people of Texas will have their say in 2010 on what will become of Perry, but till then, I hope we can all calm the fuck down with the rhetoric for a while. Because, if you're not actually willing to leave don't make threats, it just makes you sound like a douche bag.

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