Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Humor is Everywhere, Even in Porn

My love of pornography is deep and abiding, and the reason is simple. It’s video of people having sex with one another. I sometimes think it’s the video part that trips people up. I know there are those in our society who eschew TV and movies for the theater, and I can appreciate the purist nature of this preference. Believe me, if there was a porn stage show I’d have season tickets in the orchestra pit, but that doesn’t seem to be on the horizon these days.

So, like the millions of other red blooded boys and girls out there who enjoy taking a peek at porn now and again, I am forced to turn to more available sources. While I prefer the DVD or the writen word, I am no stranger to the wellspring of porn possibilities that the internet puts at your fingertips... so to speak. So from time to time I’ll take a little surf over to redtube, youstrip, youporn or any of the others sites that play on the brand name established by YouTube.

There’s something really quite amazing when you consider that we live in a world where two clicks of your mouse can take you to video of a good Christian couple from the bible belt going nuts on each other. Or a 20 year old co-ed paying her way through college. Or a lonely housewife who needs a sexual outlet. Or an exhibitionist who gets off on knowing people are watching. It can be these or any other of the million reasons people put porn on the web. While there are certainly cases of exploitation and depravity out there, by in large, I think porn is a good thing.

It’s with that as my rather lengthy preface that I tell you of a trip I took this evening to one such site, and the hilarity that ensued. I was clicking on various thumbnails at youporn and I came across a video shot in Russia. (This link is obviously NSFW, duh) There is a shirtless guy with a face tattoo sitting on a couch talking to a girl who is clad only in her underthings. They were speaking to one another in Russian, but there were English subtitles provided, which, kind of blew my mind. Here's a sample of the pre scene banter:

Face tattoo: I will give you current questions

Girl: (nods)

Face Tattoo: How old are you?

Girl: I'm 26.

Face Tattoo: Really?

Camera Woman: I couldn't believe it too.

Face Tattoo: You look younger. You have beautiful eyes. Is it after mammy or daddy?

Girl: That's my mammy

Face Tattoo: Have you seen movie Hot shots? There was some part with daddy's eyes in a box.

Girl: (smiles and nods)

Face Tattoo: I'm just kidding... do you like sex?

Girl: Yes I do.

I was laughing so hard I didn't even watch the rest of the clip. The faulty translations are almost as funny to me as the early 90's film reference. Here is some ex-KGB looking motherfucker talking to a three-quarters naked girl he's about to have sex with and he pulls Hot Shots out of nowhere? Really? Perhaps that movie just came out over there and it's real big in the theater, who knows. I don't want to say the art of foreplay and seduction are dead, but... come on. I wish I could find a YouTube clip of the Hot Shots scene in question, but sadly that is harder to find on the web than just about any obscure sexual predilection in existence.

Oh, and just in case you don't want to click on the link to see this hilarity unfold yourself, I've generously screen capped the two best lines below. Just claaaasic Peg:

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