Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I Love My Wife This Much

Last night as Inky was tucking me in I told her that I love her with all my heart and soul. Sadly that was a lie. It's not that I don't love her, because my world would be darkness without her. I love her enough to storm a Somali pirate ship for her, but heart and soul doesn't apply. Why? Well I'm a guy who once aspired to the priesthood who now thinks of organized religion as the cause of pretty much every problem in the history of mankind. So, its safe to say my soul isn't worth a whole lot. Likewise, my heart would be rejected by dog food manufactures, coming as I do from a long line of men who had catastrophic cardiac arrest before the age of 60.

So you see, telling Inky that I love her with all my heart and soul would be like Chris Brown telling Rihana he loves her with all his respect for women. Or like Glen Beck saying "I love you with all my rationality and sanity." It rings hallow. The saying should incorporate things that are important to you, or at least things you have in abundance. For instance, I may tell Inky that I love her with all my body hair and tattoos. One of them is a thing I have a lot of and the other is a thing I love, so there.

Heidi, I love you with all my body hair and tattoos. You and me forever baby!

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1 comment:

Heidi Champa said...

In that case baby, I love you with all my cynicism and sarcastic remarks. And, that's a lot!!