Friday, February 27, 2009

Apparently Steroids Don't Shrink Your Balls.

After getting home from work last night I checked the mail. In it, I found the most recent issue of The Sporting News, which serves as part of my shitter reading library. As I flipped though it I came to the "My Profile" section which is subtitled: what you won't find on Facebook... even if you are approved as a friend. They pick a different sports personality each week to focus on and this time around it was... Mark McGwire.

Jesus! It's bad enough that this muscle bound fuckwit cheated Roger Maris out of his record, lied to legions of fans and Congress and helped to usher in a tainted decade in his sport. But now, he also seems interested in being heard from again, which pisses me off royally. After his debacle on Capitol Hill a few years back, Big Mac fell so far off the radar that the only time we had to think about him was in January, when he was being snubbed by Hall of Fame voters. I liked that arrangement, because of all the people who stuck a needle in their ass, he's the one who pisses me off the most.

Now, here he is on page 11 of the March 2nd Sporting News. What's worse is the way he chose to answer a few of the questions that were posed to him. Here are a few examples:

SN: Worst habit?
MM: Biting my fingernails

SN: Favorite value in others?
MM: Honesty.

SN: My Motto:
MM: Never make the same mistake ONCE!!

Wow! Are you fucking kidding me? Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol? I'm going to address Mark now, feel free to continue reading along:

Seriously Mark? Your worst habit is biting your fingernails? Not shooting horse roids in your ass so you could hit 70 homers in '98. Biting your nails is worse than being a total liar and a cheat? Ok, it's your call, their your habits. But come on. Your favorite value in others is honesty? Really? That would be like me saying my favorite value in others is being able to eat sensibly.

Fine, these are your answers, and I guess you know yourself best, but that last one really stuck with me. First of all it is stupid because a mistake is only "the same" the second time you make it, but that's more nitpicking from me and I did enough of that with Taylor Swift yesterday. How in the world can this be your motto? Didn't you kind make a huge mistake... once, and then compound it by lying about it? So... you're kind of full of shit as well as synthetic hormones... huh?

Fuck you you Popeye looking fuck. I hope you never make the Hall of Fame.

1 comment:

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