What can I say, I have a lot of funny stories about the bathroom. The last few have come from work related shithouse mishaps, this one comes from Casa de Inky Y Greazy. Last week I came home from work one night to find that Inky was spending some quality time with the Captain (translation: taking a nap in our bed). So I quietly set about getting out of my work garb in the dark, as not to disturb my sleeping beauty.
I was nearly done when she stirred and said hi to me. We had a bit of a chat as I finished up changing, but, being the nice and thoughtful husband that I am, I still didn't want to turn the lights on, because she had just emerged from sleep. Our bathroom adjoins the bedroom, and so when I went in there to take care of a little post work bid'ness, I didn't turn that light on either.
Luckily for me, I was an alterboy, or what happened next might have scarred me for life. As I began to sit I felt something graze my... well, lets just say my tri-state area. I jumped up and made a sound that would make Howard Dean say "goddamn!"
Upon turning on the light I found that Inky had cleaned the toilet and had left the brush to drip dry into the bowl. The handle of the brush was between the porcelain and the seat, leaving the handle on the outside and the business end centered in the opening of the bowl. The little black protruding patch of bristles was pointed straight up, almost as if it had been aimed. Of course while I was busy processing everything that had just happened to me (and unclenching), Inky was laughing so hard there were four or five distinct snorts.
She just thought it was soooooo funny that I had just been violated by a cleaning utensil. For my part, all I could think about what that old Helen Keller joke about her parents punishing her by leaving the plunger in the toilet. For the rest of the evening, and I would guess for the rest of my life as well, she would just start laughing out of nowhere. I didn't have to ask why.
Now I just have to go home and write "Greazy was here" on the brush, like they did in Gavin and Stacey. Merry Christmas Eve Eve sluts.