Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Awe! How a damn minute.

A few weeks ago I turned the magnifying glass on the holiday classic "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and brought it's dark secret into the light of day. We'll I'm back to wreak more havoc on your holiday spirit as I delve into the meaning the ever present "Baby It's Cold Outside."

I started thinking about this song today, first because "Elf" was on when I was getting ready for work, and then again because it was snowing when I left the house. I was kind of whistling the song to myself on the way to work, and then when I got to my desk I popped the Zooey Deschanel and Leon Redbone version onto my iPod and had a listen. Then it happened, I heard the line "Say, what's in this drink?" and that's when it dawned on me:

This song is the 1940's spin on date rape. Think about it: she keeps saying no, he keeps pressuring her to stay and then there's the question of just what was in that drink? This poor girl just wants to get home to Mom and Dad, cold or no cold, and this fucking letch is all over her. Like he gives a shit if she walks home in the cold. We all know there's only one reason a guy tries to get a chick to stay at his place and that needle always leans more toward "secret concealed rape room" than it does to "I'm worried about your well being. At the very least it is always hovering around "I'll get you drunk, put on Barry White and hope you make a bad decision"

This guy is a classic Shannon Hamilton, acting all chivalrous but in reality he just wants to fuck the girl somewhere uncomfortable. And I'm not talking about the back of a Volkswagen. The male in the song is known as "The Wolf" ("oh, you're sending the Wolf? Shit negro, that's all you had to say") and the female role is "The Mouse"... I mean, come on! It's obvious what's going on here.

Anyway, Merry New Year bitches... and watch out for creepy guys who are going to slip something in your drink and then try and get you to stay at their house because it's cold outside. They never have these problems at New Years in Australia.

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