Saturday, October 04, 2008

A Modest Greazy Proposal

Let me preface all that I am a about to write by saying that I'm not normally in favor of executing children, but I'm also not big in to absolutes either, so there's some wiggle room. If you haven't heard this story, prepare to be sickened. A 7 year old boy in the Outback town of Alice Springs Australia broke into a reptile park and preceded to bludgeon a number of animals to death, and went on to feed them to the park's crocodile. That's right, he killed reptiles with a big rock, and then threw their lifeless carcasses to the big saltwater croc.

Now, I'm no animal lover, but even I think this if fucked up. Even though I think people who love their animals too much are crazy, I'm not heartless bastard. I don't ever wish pain on animals, I just wish people didn't put sweaters on them. I wish people cared as much about the comfort of other humans as much as they seem to care about that of their pets. Despite all that, I still think it is abhorrent that this happened. I also happen to think that doing this says a lot about not only the kid, but his parents and our world in general.

They say that when kids kill small animals is a sign that they may end up being sociopaths as adults. While I'm sure there are some exceptions, like my brother who loved to kill and burn bugs, this kid seems like he is well on his way to having body parts in his freezer one day. The thing that is so appalling about this story is not just that this kid killed all these animals, but the military like efficiency he used on his spree.

So here's my proposal. I'm calling on the nation of Australia to remove the possible threat that this kid poses on Alice Springs, and all of the Northern Territory. While I can't bring myself to actually call for them to put this kid to death by feeding him to a croc, I do think that they should harken back to the founding of their nation and banish this kid to a small, inhospitable island. Since Norfolk Island is now populated by the descendants of the Bounty Mutineers, I am proposing the Tasmanian outlier of Rodondo Island. There are plenty of animals there for him to bash, and a few that might get him back.

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