Friday, October 03, 2008

Dirty Water

A few months ago, I stood in front of the Coke machine in my building with a choice. I could drink yet another soda, which I wasn't into, or I could go with something non carbonated like tea, water or VitaminWater. The tea in this machine is always way to sweet, and I can't bring myself to pay a buck and a quarter for plain old water, so I dropped 5 quarters on the VitaminWater. The flavor that was in my vending machine was XXX Acai-blueberry-pomegranate and I loved it. I figured I should try the other flavors, but none of them quite did it for me like the XXX. And so I've become something of a XXX junkie, a statement that my friends will find especially funny, knowing a bit about my proclivities.

But what really sealed my new love of this purple, flavored water is that it not only tastes great, but it's funny too. Here is the passage that appears on it's label:

"C'mon get your mind out of the gutter. We only named this drink XXX because it has the power of triple antioxidants to help keep you healthy and fight free radicals. So in case you're wondering, this does not cost $1.99/minute or contain explicit adult content or anything considered uncensored. It has not 'gone wild!!!' during spring break, nor will clips of it be passed around the internet like a certain hotel heiress, and it has never been seen live or nude, but it is definitely au naturel." - the center for responsible hydration (aka glaceau)

Now that's a funny drink! I like my beverages to be cold, refreshing and critical of untalented people who just happen to be famous. The best way to be sure that I'm going to use your product is to take shots at Paris Hilton when ever possible. From this point on, I think I will only drink your product if it knocks a famous slut down a peg.

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