Nearly two years ago I told you all about my Teddy Bear, Teddy Roosevelt, here on my blog. I've had Teddy for my entire life, since my mother bought him for me the Easter before I was born. As a kid, I would hold onto Teddy as I slept, a habit I tried to break when I left for boarding school when I was 14. I couldn't break that habit then -just as I haven't been able to do so since- so I needed a substitute, lest I be ridiculed by boys in the dorms and by girls I was trying to fool around with.
Although Teddy came with me to St. Joesph's in Princeton, I would never again hold him in my sleep. In his stead I used the blanket I took along to St. Joe's with me. The same blanket I took to college with me a few years later, and continued to use up until Inky and I moved into this house 6 years ago. By that time, Inky had dubbed it my woobie, in a reference to the security blanket the kid has in the movie Mr. Mom, and it was a name that stuck. However, that woobie was damn near 15 years old at that point and probably consisted more of my body hair and skin cells than of cotton. You could read the newspaper or watch TV through the thing, so it was time for it to go.
So, in 2002 I bought another blanket that suffered under my grasp each night, and during the day when I was working the overnight. In the last few months it has started to pill like crazy and leave little woobie-droppings everywhere, so it was time to take woobie number two out behind the woodshed and put it down. Inky and I were lucky enough to find a great deal (There's a sale at Penny's! I can make a hat. Or a broach. Or a Pterodactyl!) so I picked up two new blankets for the price of one today. It is my hope that much like the Pilgrims used the crop rotation lessons they learned from the Indians to sustain a more bountiful harvest, so too will I be able to maintain a longer lasting Greazy-Woobie relationship by swapping them out to avoid wear and tear. You know, like NASA does with the Space shuttle.
That's right. I just compared my clutching blanket to the most sophisticated mode of human transport ever invented. And I'm a grown man with tattoos who has a Teddy bear and a woobie, but I'm comfortable with all of the oddities and contradictions that I embody. Maybe it's because I have a huge dick. Really... it's mammoth.