Shortly after arriving at the office today I got a bit of an unwelcomed scare. I felt something brush my little finger while using my mouse, and when I turned to see what it was I nearly jumped out of my pasta lovin' skin. It was a spider that was brown and black, and about the size of a small post it note. Once I peeled myself off the ceiling, I grabbed two of my business cards out of the holder on my desk and tried to coral it. All I succeeded in doing was to push it off the back of my desk, where it just sat there between my desk and the wall.
So I grabbed a tupperware container and my umbrella and captured the nasty little thing. I'm not the kind of guy who can just catch a big ass spider in his office and leave it at that. So after I poked holes in the top of the container to keep him living, I googled him based on his appearance: spider, brown and black, two inches (that's right I measured him!)
Turns out my office mate is a Wolf Spider of which there are many varieties. The one he most clearly matches seems to be the variety that lives in the American Midwest, which is a long way from Pennsylvania. The only thing I can think of that could have brought him to me would be the new printer that I just unpacked yesterday. He is far to big to have escaped my notice up until this point, and it seems to be too much of a coincidence that he showed up the day after the printer was opened.
It's good that it was me that found him and not Inky, because she would have smashed him to death with the nearest hard object. Just ask the bug that met the business end of the remote control the other night while I was sleeping. She took matters into her own hands, because I was unable to live up the most important part of my husbandly duties: pest assassinations. Some people in my office ask how I can be so cavalier about having this disgusting, huge, hairy spider walk past my hand. The answer is simple: I've survived Australia. Twice. On our second trip to Sydney, Inky and I saw two spiders that were big enough to make the Olympic judo team. (as seen in the above picture) After you get passed that, a little wolf spider ain't nothing but meat on the bone.
So, when work is done I will take George out to the track that sits between my building and the gym and let him go, free to scare the shit out of someone else. I would have killed him, but he was nice enough to spin a web in the corner of my office that said "some dego" so I decided he should be set free.