Monday, June 16, 2008

Ewww! I thought they only used cat and dog...

Quick quiz: Have you ever eaten turtle? No you say? Bullshit! If you've eaten at a Chinese restaurant then you've had turtle. I always thought the General Tso's chicken looked strange, and now I know why. A health inspector in my home town sauntered into the Panda Chinese Kitchen on East Philadelphia St and found a huge snapping turtle in the sink, sitting in a pool of it's own urine. I guess we all marinate in different ways. I, for one, prefer a salt and pepper rub, followed by olive oil and A1 for my turtle, but that's just me.

The owner of the place says he wasn't going to cook and serve the turtle, it was just there for good luck. Yeah sure, and Ricky Williams wasn't smoking that pot, he just kept it for good luck. And isn't it rabbits that are good luck? I think this guy has mixed up his tortoise and hare based wives tales. There is no other reason to have an animal in a kitchen than to cook it, believe me. I would have to think that turtle meat would be kind of tough, but I guess it's all in how you prepare it, maybe sweet and sour turtle is delicious, who knows. I do know that this kid is a fan.

Word has come down that the place is open for business again today, and I think I may drive by on my way home from work to see how busy it is. One thing's for sure, this is now the nastiest turtle-centric story I have ever heard. What was my previous number one you ask? Well, I'll tell you: It involves my cousin telling me about the cock and scrotum Olympics wherein you mold your junk into different shapes. When one pulls the balls up and over the cock it forms a dome like visage that they dubbed "the turtle" and which could have easily been in the "penis showing game" in the movie Waiting. I bet you're sorry you asked.

Who's hungry for Chinese?

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