Sunday, May 04, 2008

I'm Gettin' Too Old For This Shit

The very best part about a gathering of long time friends, is that nothing is out of the realm of possibility. Even though we can't quite go at the pace we did in college, we always seem to have a memorable weekend. After all the boys arrived on Friday, we threw a football around, played some video games and some of them played golf. That night we had what was supposed to be an innocuous poker game, but the booze was flowing, and we had a douche nozzle in our midst.

I don't know how you handle someone you don't like, but that some of your friends do, but I have a tendency to be nice, but at a distance. Affable avoidance would be the best term to describe how I deal with this particular shit stain of a human, but sometimes you get trapped. Past traps have included this guy spilling beer on my poker table, then insulting it, him throwing a video game controller against a wall while disparaging an entire race of people, and male genitalia, not to mention him once humping a keg while spilling beer all over the rug. Funny, we never seem to go to events at his house, at least not since he got married.

This time the trap I found myself in was him talking about his iPod (in that way like he was the first person to ever own an iPod) and me making the mistake of talking about my iPod and the number of CDs Inky and I own. He asked if he could borrow some of our CDs sometime, so he could avoid paying to download songs, and I did what i do whenever someone I don't like asks me for something that I don't want to do for them: I put him off nicely. "Sure, I'll help you move, if I'm free that weekend." "Oh yeah, I'd love to come to your house to see your vacation slide show." "I'd love to go on a date with you, but I have class that day. What's that? Oh yeah, I do have a Sunday class."

He either didn't realize I was placating him with no intention of lending him CDs or he didn't care. So he took it upon himself to go upstairs into our office, while Inky was sleeping mind you, and he helped himself to two or three dozen CDs. Long story short (too late!) we ended up telling him he couldn't take the CD's, which for some reason exasperated him enough to cause him to stomp up my steps like a 5 year old and barge out of my house, for what will prove to be the last time. As Inky would say: Who does that?

Unfortunately, all the hubbub surrounding this attempted CD theft cause me to fall down on the job, and I let on of my actual friends leave the house when he should have just stayed and slept it off. When the phone rang at 12:30 I knew if couldn't be anything good, and when I answered and and heard a PA state trooper on the other end, it wasn't. My buddy was picked up for DUI and it fell to us to take care of him. Inky, XL and I decided we'd all go to the courthouse together, but we had some time to kill.

After abandoning a trip to the diner, we wound up in the parking lot of Micky Dee's, just across from our small town gay bar. They were having a huge party (RuPaul was in town) and they ran out of parking spots quickly, so people chose to park in this lot that we were in. As XL and I wolfed down our burgers, Inky spotted the first boot on a car, there were many more. We sat in the car, windows down, and watched as people came from the bar in their best suits and dresses to find their car's booted. It was like being in a duck blind, watching as the 6 foot guy in the prom dress and 4 inch red heels chased after the tow truck yelling "you fucker!"

After dropping Inky off at around 3, XL and I hung out till 4 to get our friend. We then drove him up to his house in Harrisburg, and made it to bed at 5 or so. When we woke up the next afternoon, it was finally time for the reunion to start! We piled into the van, and everyone had their fill of food and drink, but mostly drink. I think everyone had a good time, and I know some people had a better time then they might have liked to, thanks to Al Key Hall. After driving the really drunk people home, I turned in at 3:30. I can say I had a blast, I can say that, but I'm getting way to old for this shit.

Australia in a week!


1 comment:

XL said...

I'd just like to point out for the record that said douche bag is not pictured in case there is any confusion.

I'd also like to say that seeing someone try to drive away with a boot on their car is one of the funniest things I've ever seen.