Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Is That Why He's Still Single?

If you were a company that made steam engines in Cleveland, you'd probably stay away from calling yourself "Cleveland Steamer Inc." If you were an oven making company in the Netherlands you would avoid being called the "Dutch Oven." Likewise, if you were a formal ware syndicate from Cincinnati, you wouldn't name the company "Cincinnati Bow tie."

So why in the hell did big butch man, Dale Earnhardt Jr. agree to this marketing deal? Inky and I walked in to a convenience store on our way home from campus last night and what did I see, but a candy bar called the "Big Mo'" with Lil E's photo staring at me. He knows that colloquially a Mo is a Homo, right? I know he spends all his time with ignorant, southern fried hicks, but he always seemed a bit more hip. Hell, he hangs out with rappers for christ's sake. How does he not know that his stiff, chocolate rod of goodness has a name that is gayer than what I just typed?

I think someone needs to check Junior for a mesh shirt and leather pants the next time he goes out. Until someone proves it to me differently, I'm going to have to assume that Little E is a little gay...not that there's anything wrong with that. Some of my best friends are gay, they just don't advertise with a candy bar.

I'd understand this more if his name was Mo, Maurice or something like that. But, the explanation is that he grew up in the town of Mooresville North Carolina, which he and his friends (I'm not your friend, buddy. I'm not your buddy, guy. I'm not your guy, friend...) called big Mo'. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm not going to name my candy bar after the place I grew up. There are a few reasons for that, one being that the crispy, crunchy Metuch doesn't sound all that appetizing. The other reason is: It's my candy bar, not a bar to recognize all my bro's in Metuchen.

In the end I guess I'm just amazed that it wasn't Jeff Gordon or Michael Waltrip that put out the Big Mo', because I think that wouldn't have come as a surprise to any of us.



XL said...

Wow, I didn't think Jr swung that way either. I've never seen a Big Mo in stores so maybe it's regional. If I had to name one after my home town it would be the Big Hurl so I don't think that would sell either.

princess1128 said...

MY BOYFRIEND IS NOT GAY!!! Okay, he experimented with blonde hair dye in the early 90's but who didn't...