Thursday, March 27, 2008

Craig is a Douche

XL and I were talking about Craig's List yesterday (please note, when I say "talking" I mean emailing back and forth when we should be working, which we have been doing for years) and our conversation got me thinking about this web classified section. It was in the news twice yesterday, first because someone listed a baby for sale, and then when a guy had all his shit stolen after someone put an ad on Craigs List saying it was all free for the taking. Oddly enough both of these stories came out of that hotbed of news: Oregon.

So I let my fingers do the clicking, and headed over to Craigs List, only to be horrified and amused by what I found. These are real Craigs List ads, appearing in the Casual Encounters section:

From Tyler Texas: "I am lactating and horny for a man to suck on my breast. My husband does not want to do it but said I could find somebody to do it for me as long as I returned to him."

Wow. Wait, you are just looking to have one sucked? The left or the right? Because that should be in the ad.

From Lincoln Nebraska: "I'm here to get the love-making I deserve. I'd love to pull down your boxers to your knees. I am caucasian, and medium length hair. I am a size 8, medium build, nice rack, all my teeth, and nice skin. I'm looking for some warmth, compassion and someone in the sack that isn't going to bore me because I love to try new things sexually. I'm ready to have a good night."

Ok, were to start. Why be coy by saying 'love making' and then go into the whole pull your boxers down thing. Does that mean no guys who sport the Y fronts? Lastly, how sad is it when you have to add "all my teeth" to "nice rack." Yikes.

From Maryland's Eastern Shore: "Okay so this is suppost to tell u bout me? well im a little quarky and a unique and crazy but its not that bad? well i hope not ,if u wanna know the real me get to know me, an ad is not gonna tell u what u really need to know"

This one is from XL's hood, I'll have one more from there later. I couldn't get over this one because who would admit that they look like Quark when they are trying to get laid?

York Pennsylvania: "PDTElizabeth here, searching for for a risque man for some clandestine and loose moments as well as taboo. I am lbs very long auburn hair with green eyes D you know what he he. A bit debauched and fancy immoral with a normal man not crazy. I am a professor and I cherish nsa. love mischievous haha.x.o.x.o Elizabeth"

Um? What? I do like how she begins like Champ from Anchorman, but it goes really down hill from there. I normally wouldn't criticize sentence structure in one of these ads, but she does say that she is a professor, so why wouldn't you use taboo to modify moments, eg: Searching for a risque man for some clandestine, taboo and loose moments. Just a thought, I just can't go on with this ad, you see it, make your own observations and jokes now.

From New York City: "Anybody here who wants to slip and slide in side a good-searching white girl? Well, I've been searching for a new "friend" for a while and haven't found one yet. What I'm searching for is someone who's not boring, drug, disease and drama free, and randy."

Again, not to pick on sentence structure, but this person just said that they are looking for someone who is not boring and who is NOT drug, disease and drama free. I think what they wanted to say is: I'm searching for someone who is not boring, and who is drug, disease and dram a free but is also randy. God, how did this turn into a syntax lesson? I didn't even focus on the whole slip and slide part.

From San Fransisco: "I am a Beautiful Woman, inside and out, and this I know! I like a man who knows what he wants out of life but knows br chemistry happens while you least expect it. I have a G cup with a 34 waist, 5'6, blonde, blue eyes, tattoos and a cat..."

Wait? Like, a real cat, or... Never mind.

Back to the Eastern Shore for a bit of realizm and maybe some sainity: "Do you seek NSA affairs & encounters? Ever notice how many of the "women" posting here never say what town they're in or near? Know why? Because they're not local at all. All they want is your e-mail addr. to spam your brains out. They may not even be women at all. You'd think by now they'd get a clue --- Eastern Shore is an area, a region covering parts of 2 states-- it isn't a city or town, but then how would they know that, since they aren't from here. So any ad that uses the phrase "in Eastern Shore" is guaranteed to be phony. Chances are better that its real if they say WHERE on the Shore they live. A number of us are keeping an eye out for this, so the game's up, spammers. We aren't going away until you do. CL is going to start cracking down. If you're going to place an ad, BE WHO YOU SAY YOU ARE, AND WHERE YOU SAY YOU ARE, or don't bother."

I don't have a problem with people hooking up, and I not so much of a prude that I can't understand that some people are just looking for NSA, or no strings attached encounters. That said, surely this isn't the best way to go about it. I know it can be hard to find someone, and I haven't had to deal with that since I was 20, but come on.


1 comment:

XL said...

I'd like to point out that the last guy from the shore only thinks the peninsula is made up of two states. Maybe he isn't "from here" either.
All in all I don't know what kind of special ed retard answers these ads and then is surprised when they get arrested or robbed.