Monday, January 28, 2008

Who was your first?

During the weekend my sister in law mentioned a discussion she had with coworkers about who their first pop culture crush was. This lead me to think about who first caught my attention and made me feel like we climbed the rope in gym class. I hit puberty somewhere around mid 1988 which provides a frame for the women of the day who may have been of note to lil Greazy. Of all the beautiful women on TV, in Music or staring in the Movies it was Kelly LeBrock that first captured my eye.

My older siblings rented "Weird Science" just about every weekend. I would often try to blend into the room as they watched it. At 10 or 11 I just thought it was funny when Chet turned into the big ugly monster, or when someone cursed. I learned to repeat all the lines that my brother and sister thought were funny:

"I didn't think it was a whale's dick honey"
"Anything bigger than a handful, and you're risking a sprained tongue."
"He's an asshole, anyone with a haircut like that, you know is an asshole"
"That looks pretty good. Now make yourself one. Dickweed!"
"Gary, Wyatt. Breakfast"
"How 'bout you bend over, and I'll shove it straight up your ass."
"Give 'em the knee-shooters"
"Crazy? Insane?"
"Don't threaten me Al! You're out of shape, I'll kick your ass."
"I was nuts for the woman. And what did it to me was these big, big titties she had"
"You told me you were washing your hair"
"How about, a nice greazy pork sandwich... served in a dirty ashtray?"

As you may guess, that last one was always my favorite. In those early years, I was just happy to be able to man the rewind button as we constantly re-watched the scene when Wyatt says "Gary was just taking a shit" and Gary winds up and slaps him. But, around the time I hit 12 or 13 I started to look longingly at Lisa as she emerged from that blown up door frame in those tiny panties and that little shirt. I didn't know it right away, but I was indeed lusting after Lisa, a lust that was only compounded by the "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful" Pantene ads she did after that.

Kelly LeBrock was just a knockout, there is no other way to say it. Add the fact that she had the sexy accent to go along with her amazing beauty and you can see why a lot of 13 year old boys were smitten with her, just like I was. She was my first.


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1 comment:

princess1128 said...

My boss had originally said Linda Carter of Wonder Woman fame but we determined she was his age so she couldn't have been his first. He then said Raquel Welsh. Today he said Barbara Eden because she showed cleavage on "I Dream of Genie"