Thursday, January 24, 2008

Was The Piss Pants Fieldhouse Booked?

I was raised on the newspaper, but like many other people in the 21st century, I rarely buy one anymore. I enjoy the diversity of being able to read the Washington Post, the Baltimore Sun, The Sydney Morning Herald and the York Daily Record each day. (let's all sing it: one of these things is not like the other things...) One of the benefits to reading the paper on line, other than not getting your fingers inky, is being able to quickly scan all the headlines and decide what you want to read. Sometimes headline writers don't think of how their work will be perceived by immature people like me, and so they let stuff like this slip by:

How am I supposed read that and not make fun of it? There are so many different ways you can go with that, where should I start? The first thing I thought was that the story was all about Fergie masturbating. One has to imagine that her vag is quite cavernous, so it would be fair to call it "Beaver Stadium" since it has probably also entertained well over 100,000 rabid young men.

Once I read the story, however, I found that the simplest explanation was, in fact, the truth. Fergie will be playing a concert at the home of the Penn State Nitney Lions in State College PA. This seems like the perfect combination of headliner and venue, which could only be surpassed by something like Amy Winehouse at Crack Den Stadium or Britney Spears at Pink Taco Field. In the end, I'm sure Fergie was just upset that Arcadia University changed it's name, or she could have had another show to play.


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