Sure they're cute and cuddly, but who knows what evil thoughts lurk in a kitten's tiny brain? I don't know what your first thoughts are upon reading this story, but mine aren't "awe that's so cute." Nor do I think: "well it's a good think that poor lil guy wasn't hurt." I think: where was TSA on this? How did they let this tiny, hairy possible terrorist on the plane without being detected? A 10 month old kitten gets into her owners suitcase and survives the baggage check, the conveyor belt to the plane, and most amazingly of all the baggage handlers to emerge alive on the other side.
Who knows what Gracie Mae bin Muhammad the cat had in mind when she snuck into Seth Levy's suitcase. Was she planning to climb out and scratch at the fuel tanks? Was she thinking about gnawing on the wiring? Was she going to find a sunny spot, stretch out and take a nap? We'll never know. How do I know Gracie Mae is a terrorist? Well, she doesn't like water and if you've ever seen a photo of any of those al qaeda mother fuckers you know they don't either. Those guys would probably run and hide behind the couch if you sprayed them with a squirt bottle too. Let's just say there aren't a lot of showers in the Torra Bora region. So in my mind that is a crystal clear link between all kittens and islamofascists. (see the witch trial in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" for more of this type of logic.) It's about as credible as using yellowcake and WMDs to invade Iraq.
Luckily for us, Gracie Mae didn't bring down the Dallas bound flight, but what about the next kitten stowaway? I say we install an elaborate feather and bell on a string system next to the bomb sniffing machine and the xray, that way the kittens will be lured out of hiding before they can do something terrible. Anything less and the terrorists win. Be on the look out for: