Sunday, December 02, 2007

Greazy Law #3

I am a man of limited power, but of limitless opinion. From time to time I find it necessary to put forth a Greazy Law, and today is one of those days: Twins can no longer dress in the same outfits, or have similar sounding names. OK, so your egg was fertilized and then split in two... good for you. Don't name them Ted and Todd, or Frank and Hank. Just don't do it.

Do what ever it takes to foster a sense of individuality in them, so when they grow up they don't dress alike, live together as adults and finish each other's sentences. All of which only serves to creep me the fuck out. Inky and I were flipping through channels the other day and we went past that American Idol Rewind show, where two 18 year old chicks were singing in harmony. Others were impressed, I just thought it was creepy.

Don't get me wrong, I love that I can finish Inky's thoughts, and that from time to time she will answer a question before I even ask it. But, we picked each other as adults in college, not as Zygotes in the womb.

Twins just breed creepy vibes. If it's not them living together as adults, having only one Myspace profile for both of them, or dressing alike, it's peoples' sexual fascination with them. OK, I guess I shouldn't say people, I should say guys. Try this out: Do a google image search on the word "twins" and you'll find that most of the pictures are of The Milton twins (Melissa and Marissa UGH!) who both have sex with other people together........give me a second, I feel dirty, and not in a good way.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? Two sisters in the same zip code during a sexual act isn't sexy, let alone the same room, bed or dude's lap. It's times like these that I'm ashamed to be a man. Worse yet (and I can't believe I'm going here) but there is another set of twins, The Texas twins who do the same thing... and they're butt ugly. Guys will really stroke off to anything if it seems sexy to them wont they? Fellas, look at their faces, not to mention the above point that THEY ARE FUCKING SISTERS YOU DOUCHEBAGS!

It is for that reason that I must insist that all twins be split up and forced to grow up on opposite sides of the country, it's the only way to be sure that we don't offend the natural order of life.

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