Thursday, November 15, 2007

But My Friends Call Me....

There was a time in this nation where there were only 8 male first names. So in order to distinguish all the Georges, Josephs and Michaels men needed...nay required a moniker. As a young man you could just adopt the childish version of a name: Joseph becomes Joey or a boy named after their father may become Little Joe, J.J. or just Junior. But, that didn't help if there were 4 or five other Georges in your class and so nicknaming came into fashion, and a lot of them stuck right into adulthood. Here are just a few great nicknames you hardly see young men with now: Bud, Butch, Tex, Mack or Mac, Red, Whitey, Chip, Buddy, Buzz, Dutch, Lucky, Sonny, Chip, Duke, Babe, Buck, Lefty etc...

What you do see these days are names like Trip or Trey for the next generations of these families. How much do you want to bet that half of these guys have a dad named John Michael Jones II, but he went by Red due to his red hair. Or, Buzz, Buddy or Buck.

I don't have any friends with cool ass nicknames like this. We just tend to call each other by our last names. I guess it's true that today's generations are just lazy, and my parents were the Greatest Generation... at least as far as nicknames are concerned. I used to think these nicknames were just stereotypes from WWII and 'nam movies e.g. the Irish guy was Red, the Southerner was Tex and the WOP was Paulie... we're always something ending in ie or y. All you have to do is look at the obituaries or a grave yard to see how many names include quotes to know this trend was real. They always read: Joseph A. "Butch" Sanders, beloved wife of Pearl, beloved father of Joey and Margaret.

I'd love to see this trend return with the younger generation. I bet there are 8 Taylors in every 5th grade class in America, both boys and girls. And forget about the Britneys of various spellings. I plan on doing my part by asking all my Friends to calling me Dutch. It's just a great fucking nickname. Try out my two sample sentences to see the difference:

"This weekend Jon, Matt, Brandon and I went out and compared our fantasy teams, played cards all night and talked about politics."

"This weekend Buzz, Lefty, Dutch and I went out and banged a few chicks, played cards all night and transported a minor across state lines."

See what a difference a few cool nicknames make?

A few years back when Inky and I lived in Maryland I voted for a politician solely because his name was Dutch. His platform could have included mass puppy murder and I would have voted for him. Because even a line of cute dogs heading to a miniature guillotine seems cool when it's enacted by a guy named Dutch.


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