Thursday, October 18, 2007

Song Spotlight: The Eulogy Song

There is a great show on in Australia called "Chaser's War on Everything." It is a cross between "Jackass" "Chappelle Show" and "The Daily Show" or in short: Genius. They are the ones who sent a guy to hit on the in bread fucks from the Westboro Baptist Church, and also set up a fake Canadian motorcade and took it in to the restricted area of the APEC conference. Yesterday, one of the Chasers, Andrew Hansen, sang a song called The Eulogy Song which pointed out that no matter how bad a person was when they were alive, they are remembered fondly after they die. In the US, one such person may be Richard Nixon, but in Australia they have a whole other group. I'll give you a cheat sheet after the lyrics. It has received mixed reviews down under, but I don't think you need to know all the people in it to think it is damn funny. If you don't feel like reading it, watch it.

I’d like to dedicate this song to you: Gramps.

He was very hard of hearing
He was dull and domineering
Misogynist, cantankerous and vain.
He hit the bottle every night
He hit my grandma out of spite
And those stories about his bunions were a pain.
But all that’s now forgotten Once he took his final breath,
Yes, Even pricks turn into top blokes after death.

You don’t believe me?
Allow me to furnish you with a few examples.
Steve Irwin lived in Khaki, a cartoon kamikaze
Who taunted crocs and tots both frequently.
And Brocky was some rev-head
Who pumped the air with pure lead
So anti-green he drove into a tree.
But all that was forgotten once they took their final breaths
Yes, even tools turn into top blokes after death.

John Lennon chose the hippie life
He chose some nut-bag for a wife
And his songs were never quite as good as Paul’s.
Jeff Buckley fooled all lovers
Just one album, mostly covers
With more wailing then Japan does off our shores.
But all that was forgotten once he took his final breath,
yes even wankers turn into top blokes after death.

Princess Di was just as slut for sex
When they looked in the car wreck
Her dress was wet with Arab semen stains.
Stan Zemanek was a racist jock
A fatso xenophobic cock
Who’s views were more malignant than his brain.
But all that was forgotten when he took his final breath
Yes, even assholes turn into top blokes after death.

It’s not how they lived that counts
But how we rewrite the book.
When it comes to truth it’s bet to use restraint.
It pays to throw away the facts
And have rose colored look
When he dies even Martin Bryant will look a saint.

Don Bradman was a total fuss
A grumpy, greedy tired ass
Who couldn’t even score one run last time he played
Kerry Packer was a brothel chief
A tax cheat and a kidney thief
And procreating Jamie was the worst mistake he made
But all that was forgotten once he took is final breath
Yes even cunts turn into top blokes after death.

Belinda Emmett was a…
(Hey, please, please. Stop - said by the other Chasers)
Remember all will be forgotten when we take our final breath
Yes even pervert mother fuckers,
Even rampant child abusers
Even local Baghdad looters
Even baby bunny rooters
Even reckless drunken drivers
Even rodent sperm imbibers
Even violent poofter bashers
Even public penis flashers
Even rotten corps molesters
Even human piss ingesters
Even tiny kitten kickers
Even anal finger lickers
Even Anna bloody Coren
Yes, even she will be a top bloke after death!

Steve Irwin, Lennon, Buckley and Princess Di you all know here's some help with the others. Key:

Brocky = Peter Brock who is like the Aussie Dale Earnhardt
Stan Zemaneck = Rush Limbaugh
Martin Bryant = Rampage Shooter killed 35 people and injured 37 others.
Don Bradman = Best Cricket player of all time, Babe Ruth.
Kerry Packer = Richest man in Australia, James got all his money when he died.
Belinda Emmett = Well loved actress who died young of breast cancer.
Anna Coren = News anchor, a kind of Katie Couric type.

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