Monday, September 03, 2007

You Can Help Where You Come From

Inky and I just got back from 4 great days of vacation in Wild, Wonderful West Virginia. Based on what I saw, I still don't know if 'Mountain Mama' refers to a Mountain or a Woman, but my quest continues. What I do know is that I fucking hate rednecks. Don't confuse what I'm saying here. I don't hate all southern people, or even all NASCAR fans. I don't remember what property of math it is but All rednecks may be southern but all Southerners are not rednecks. Oh, yeah, and before I go any further. ATTENTION PEOPLE OF WEST VIRGINIA: You have a state because the people that lived there didn't want to be part of the Confederacy and succeed from Virginia, so all of the "Daddy's Little Rebel" bibs, and Dixie flag bandannas are super gay.

Back to the trip. I loved all the things we saw: Seneca Rocks, Smoke Hole Cavern, Spruce Knob, Black Water Falls and the Cass Railroad. They were great! And we had this great little cabin that Inky's mom found for us just down the road from where her father was born. 99.9999999% of our trip was amazing, there'll be pictures later. But, then there was Cletus and Brandine. They were in the cabin next to us, that is of course when they weren't out at the pool turning up Toby Keith to 11. What is it about douche bag rednecks that they have to listen to the worst country music on the planet at over modulated levels, with the station out of tune no less?

Plus their behavior in and around the pool was deplorable. All I could think of was the classic redneck response to Yankees who criticise their misbehavior. "We cain't hep whur we come from." Yes... Yes you can. How bad was it you ask? Remember that scene in National Lampoons Vacation where Vicki tells Audrey that she French kisses and when Audrey says that she does too, Vicki says "Yeah but my Dad says I'm the best." We got the live show. No father of a 16 year old should pull her onto his lap at all; let alone when she's in a tiny bikini. Yuck!

To be fair I hate rednecks in all their species. Be it the New Jersey "Dego" the East LA "Esse" or the urban "gangsta." Acting like an entitled fool doesn't make you cool, and it sure as hell won't get you very far in life. You'll end up with some stupid redneck, Jersey-girl, puta or bitch. You aren't as good as you once were.

Any how, like I said the trip was really good in the end. We saw some cool shit and if you can stand West Virginians I would recommend West Virginia.

The View From inside Smoke Hole Cavern:
Seneca Rocks:
From the Top of Seneca Rocks (yup, we climbed 'em):
The Black Water Falls:
The Highest Point in WV, Spruce Knob (We drove to this one, albeit up a dirt road):
Inky and I on the Cass Scenic Railroad (no I wasn't drinking):


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