Friday, August 24, 2007

Fresh Meat!

As I have said a time or two on this blog, sometimes working on a College Campus can just suck. Like today, for instance, which is Freshman 'move in' day. Campus is swarmed with clingy parents dropping off there fresh-faced young hormone factory's. Mom and dad beam with pride watching their rock hard boys and supple girls carry their laundry basket into the dorm. The parents think 'There goes my prized child, off to learn and grow' while the kids are thinking 'god, I wish Mom and Dad would leave so I can find a set of genitals to rub on mine.' Or, that was my experience at least.

Thirteen years ago when my Mom and Dad dropped me off I had just two things on my mind: 1) finding out where to go to drink and 2) finding a girl who would knock my junk around as part of her "freshman experience." I know 13 years sounds like a long time, but aside from a few small details nothing has changed, I swear! I just walked by my old dorm and a bunch of the guys were sitting on the wall next to the steps while putting the full court press on a flock of girls, just as we all were doing back in '94. Sure, the style has changed; grunge is gone and shitty R&B now rules the day. And baggy clothes have given way to ultra-skintight, but the methodology is all still the same.

Tonight they will all find out were the off campus party is, and they'll go there and drink way too much. In my day we were alerted to the party's by guys walking through the halls and writing the address on the dry erase boards on our door, now they send out mass emails and text messages. But in the end, they will party all the same. They'll call and tell their parents they are going to watch a movie down in the lobby and then turn in. But what they'll really do is put on the tightest of their tight clothes and head to a party. Some of the girls will put out too quick and some of the guys will have WAY too much to drink and miss out on a few sure things.

In the end, one thing is for sure; freshman year is a great time to reinvent yourself. Chances are pretty good that there isn't a soul on campus who knows you. Which means there is no one who knows all the shit from high school, and no one who has already made up their mind about who and what you are. So you can begin to craft who you are as an adult, and a lot of us chose to do that by partaking in a lot of adult behavior. Even if we weren't exactly prepared for it.

Mistakes will be made, but the rest of your life may very well be crafted as well. Without you knowing you just might meet your best Friend during that first drunken night, like I did. And a few years into your time on campus you may be mature enough to start looking for what you want in the opposite sex and you just might meet your spouse, like I did. As for the degree, shit, unless your Premed, Engineering, nursing or some shit like that, just fake it till you make it. You're not going to need anything you learn freshman year anyway, so just be sure to pass everything and let the good times roll.

I just want to go out and stand in the middle of these incoming freshman and yell: "Enjoy it while you can fuckers, because before you know it you'll be so old that there will be kids in college who were born when you were staring high school." Like me. "Youth is waisted on the young."

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