Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The Ties That Bind Us

One definition of clothing is: "Clothing protects the vulnerable nude human body from view and from the extremes of weather. Every article of clothing also carries a cultural and social meaning." I understand that early man needed to keep himself warm, and from getting frost bite or sun burn. And as time past human kind became ashamed of it's naughty bits and so we still cover them to this day.

I get all that. Shirts, pants, undies... these are all great. Even shoes, socks, hats and gloves all have their benefit. And you'll never hear me say a bad thing about skirts and dresses... because I look great in them, and so do women.

But what the fuck is the deal with the necktie? With father's day just passing, you know that there are thousands of fathers who just got a tie as a gift. Has there ever been a more superfluous item of clothing donned by humans? It has no purpose but to distinguish class, and perhaps show off a bit of personal style and tying ability. (The only thing worse than a Christmas tie, is one that looks like a third grader tied it. Incidentally, I've been tying my own ties since first grade... god damned Catholic school.)

I've seen all the history of the tie, and reasons why we still sport them, but I'm not convinced. I say it's time to put our foot down and speak the truth. The only thing a silk tie is good for is binding, blindfolding or gagging your consensual partner during nasty sex!


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