Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Eye of the Greazy

I went to the eye doctor today for the first time in a tad more than a decade. When the lady taking my history asked me when my last eye appointment was she was shocked when I said '1995.' "You mean 2005 right?" she asked in utter disbelief that a 31 year old male with 20 X 100 vision would wait 12 years. The last time I went I tried to wear the glasses only to get really bad headaches, so I just stopped wearing them. That puts glasses in the #3 spot on the list of things I most waisted my parents money on.

The list goes Glasses at #3, maybe $120. Number 2 is braces which had to be a few thousand bucks, but which I saw fit to remove myself with wire cutters and pliers. My father's apoplectic screams can still be heard echoing through space to this day, 20 years later. The number one spot on the list is my Catholic education, including 2years in the seminary. I don't know what the finally tally was on the 11 years I was in Catholic school, but one can only imagine it had to be upwards of thirty to forty thousand.

Good call Mom and Dad. You obviously over estimated our worth as children since the three of us you sent through St. Francis are at best non followers and at worst homo-non believers!

So, like Sam Becket before me, I'm going back in time to set right what once went wrong. I'm going to get those glasses... just as soon as inky can go with me so I don't end up looking like a total tard.

(By the way, if you click on the above image of my eye, and tilt your head to the side: doesn't it look a bit vaginal? Absent the eyeball I mean. Call me Georgia Okeefe, maybe I just have vagina on the brain!)


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