Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Am I Creepy?

Ok! Ok! Ok! I admit It, I'm almost 31 years old. I have a wife, a mortgage and I save money for retirement. From time to time I also donate money to non profit groups both because it is the right thing to do and a tax break. One of the groups I give money to is my Alma Mater, which any college educated American should do.

Not only does it contribute to the education of those who come after you, but it helps the school in it's rating and bonding processes to have a high rate of alumni participation. When they say any size gift helps, they mean it. It's like casting a vote for the place where you got your education.

Each dollar we give to our alma maters helps to improve the school so that the whiny, coddled brats of today can have flat screen TV's in the student union and state of the art libraries, gyms and smart classrooms. Unfortunately they don't seem to like it when we're around, even if we're bringing them better facilities. At least one such brat is upset that we didn't get to improving the school faster. You see, he only got to use the brand new multi-million dollar gym and fitness center for one year. Which is of course one year longer then any of the people who dug deep in their pockets to pay for it.

In his article in the student news paper, Adam ZeDouche (not his real name) makes a lot of far reaching and uninformed statements about his school and my alma mater. One look at this numb-nuts and you figure he may just be mad at the world because in 4 years on campus no girls has ever played with his junk, which is enough to make any dork awfully rankled.

Most of what he said was just classic nonsensical urban legend, like our school going from a College to a University which will never happen, but has been talked about as an imminent change since I was a Freshman. That was all just a sign of someone not doing his homework, and I can't figure out why. It's not like this guy was spending the night drinking and fucking... cause that's not on his agenda.

He complains that no one has ever heard of the school, outside our small city. One wonders why Captain Fuck Stick chose to come to this school no one had ever heard of? Would Harvard and Georgetown not return your calls, just like every girl you've ever felt all funny inside about? Some of us who have actually been out in the real world for internships and jobs have been doing a great job enhancing the reputation of the school. We've also run into the people who have graduated before us and started the process of making our little affordable school more well known.

I guess he doesn't appreciate the work we've done, or the reputation that we have helped to earn for the school. Why? Because we are creepy. "The only chance we'll have to wander though the new Humanities Center will be as creepy alumni" he says bemoaning the fact that he won't be able to take a class in this fantastic retrofitted building. A building, by the way, that was our shitty old workout center, pool, and gym when I was on campus, and that also housed the bookstore before our great new one was built my sophomore year.

That's called progress, and sometimes the only way you get to see the progress is after you've graduated. You walk around campus with your college friends and reminisce about what things were like when you were there. If that makes us creepy already then I'm running out and getting a trench coat so I can start flashing people. I might as well earn it, something this kid will have to become familiar with once he's out in the big, bad world. Douche!


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