Tuesday, February 27, 2007

We'll need a big litter box.

I've been pretty set in my ways when it comes to Inky and I getting a pet. I'm against it. I don't like taking care of myself, let alone another being, especially when that being is incapable of love or affection. Humans confuse an animals routine of being dependant with love all the time. I am a heartless prick and see dogs and cats as just another mouth to feed. And the cause of shit on my rug, for which there can be no justification. If Inky started taking dumps on the carpet, even she would have to go... believe that! So you know I'm not going to take that from an animal, if it craps on the rug it gets Greazy Tony's patented pet-be-gone process. All you need is a bridge, a brick and a pillow case. Problem solved. (PS tie that pillow case tight, you don't want them swimming to the bank of the river and making it home.)

I admit it; I'm an animal hater. Unless you have a lot of land for them to run around on, you shouldn't have one. Keeping a animal in a crate in your basement is cruel (I know, this coming from the bridge, brick and pillow case guy) and you are just using them for what you think is affection. You also condition them to be amazed by what they perceive as new. So when I come to your house they jump up on me and freak out because they are so used to only seeing the inside of a cage for half their day.

All that being said, I want a cat. Not some stupid back ally spawn of a tom and a whore. No, I want a toyger. Some freak in California is spending millions of dollars to bread cats that resemble tigers. They will have the same stripes as tigers, larger paws, a bigger over all bone structure and perpendicular stripes on their heads. These cats, like their larger cousins, love water and will play in a pool if you give them one. People say they have many dog-like traits with out the ever annoying barking. They shed very little, and are playful without needing constant attention. Sign me up! Oh yeah, except for the fact that they cost a few thousand bucks. Damn! Where, my pillow case?



Angry Inky said...

In addition to the bigger litter box, we shall need a bigger bridge, and a bigger pillow case.

ycpgreazy said...

And a Cinder Block?

No, don't worry. There's no way I would throw a three thousand dollar cat over a bridge, just one from the pound.