Wednesday, January 31, 2007

And He Can't Even Do Magic With His Little Wand

There was a great episode of Freinds, where a character played by Brook Shields is obsessed with Dr. Drake Ramore. The problem is, there is no such person. Dr. Drake Ramore was the character Joey played on a soap opera, and the crazed woman could not separate the two.

There's nothing new in this scenario, however, and it happens every day the world over. In the last few days pictures of Daniel Radcliffe have been circulating to publicize his new play Equus in which he does a few nude scenes. I say good on ya Danny, but there is a large group of Mom's out there who are offended that Harry oops I mean Daniel would drop his knickers for all the world to see. Or at least a few hundred London theater goers. I was reading the Sydney Morning Herald today, and saw this quote from one angered parent

"We as parents feel Daniel should not appear nude. Our nine-year-old son looks up to him as a role model. We are very disappointed and will avoid the future movies he makes,"

Oh come off it lady! First and foremost you need to teach your kid to separate the characters he likes from the people who play them. Sir Ben Kingsley may be a fine man, but he isn't Gandhi. Likewise Dan Radcliffe is no longer that cute little boy who did... well I don't know what Harry Potter ever did because I've never read any of the books or seen the movies, but 'lil Danny never fought dragons or used his powers to see into the girls bathroom. That's what I would have done as a young wizard.

In fact, it seems that young Master Radcliffe is doing everything he can to prepare for his post-potter life. He did an episodes of Extras on HBO this past weekend where he plays a remarkably horny version of himself. And it was great too. He had to do these things because people like the lady quoted above want him to be Harry his whole life, but you have to ask yourself: How's that working out for the likes of Scottie Schwartz. He did The Toy in 1982 and it's been pretty much all down hill since then, landing him as a non-sexual participant in porn movies and worse yet, an episode of 21 Jump Street.

So people please, leave Dan alone as he goes the full monty on stage with the really hot blonde woman. Or better yet, marvel at how defined the little wizard's chest and six pack are like some other posters on chat sites have done:

"He is no longer the shy boy in the prefects' bathroom anymore. His body is .... I can't even say or I will no doubt be banned but he has grown a lot!"
Wow! I think she may have been touching herself when she saw these pics, I just hope she doesn't track the kid down and forget that he is a real person not a fake wizard. Or a out of control stable hand, or soap opera brain surgeon for that mater.


_

Monday, January 29, 2007

Blowin' in the Wind.


"How many streets must a can roll down, before you can call it a can?"

Isn't that how the great Bob Dylan tunes goes? Well on this, and many other Monday's outside the Greazy and Inky Lair the answer, my friends, is truly blowin' in the wind. And by answer, of course, I mean our neighbor's trash.

You see, Monday is trash and recycling day in our hood, and it also seems to be the windiest day of the week, week in and week out. People put their recycle bins out on Sunday night and by the time the sun comes up, our front lawn looks like the porch of a frat house after a raging party. Save the dead sodomized goat of course, cause nothing says brotherhood like bestiality. I digress.

Making matters worse is the fact that Inky and I live at the convergence of two hills that form a right angle. So when we walk out of our abode and look either straight ahead, or to the right we see a big hill. Don't get me wrong, there are times when this is great. Most notably when there is snow or ice on the ground and we get to sit there and laugh as people try and get up the hills to their homes. That shit is hilarious!

Each and every Monday, all the year round, they get their revenge on us by filling their big plastic recycle bins to the very top with milk cartons, beer cans, mayo jars and baby food bottles. Then nature joins the revenge plot, as she whips up the winds and tips the bins over. All night long the distinctive sound of tin cans rolling down the hills can be heard. "Tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, they go.

Occasionally they are joined by the low end, the rhythm section if you will, of the wind-blown trash band: the Gallon Milk carton. It makes a different sound depending on it's cap status. With the cap on it is more of a thick bass guitar: bomp, bomp, bomp, bomp. But, when the cap is missing it has an open hallow kick drum sound. Kind-a like-a: puh, puh, puh, puh.

Can you tell I'm in a kind of Onomatopoeia mood today? At any rate, that is the shit that Inky and I have to put up with each and every Monday morning, and it makes us wonder how much respect people really have for their neighbors. "The answer my Friend, is blowin' in the wind, the answer is blowin' in the wind."

_

Friday, January 26, 2007

My Balls.

Happy Australia day everybody! I thought I would take this opportunity to tell all of you about my balls. Here's what you need to make them:

1 pound ground beef
1 pound ground pork
1 pound ground veal
Full can of bread crumbs
two eggs
one large onion
whole garlic
Garlic powder
Oregano
Basil

In a large bowl mix the meat (including the veal, because everyone knows suffering makes everything taste better) with the bread crumbs, eggs and chopped onion and garlic. Use your hands to really mix everything together. Season the mixture to taste and mix again.

Roll your balls in your hands till they are round and smooth. Then bake at 350 for about 40 minutes. Presto! Now you can enjoy my balls too!

_

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Song Spotlight: "Yo Mama" by Butterfingers

Sometimes it can be intimidating how much music there is in the world. How does one hear all the good stuff that is out there, and at the same time how do you avoid the Fergie's of the world? One answer is to stop listining to the raido, which stopped giving us good music years ago. If you must listen to the radio, then find an indie station like Indie 103 out of LA or WRNR in Annapolis. And if you want an even more unique and 'off the beeten path' musical journy check out Triple J, the national youth radio station of Australia. That is where Inky and I came across the Butterfingers, a band from Brisbane who can at times be called Hip Hop, but really defy a lable.
As funny as they are grovy they penned what may be one of the greatest put-down songs of all times. Here now: Yo Mama.

I see you in your office sending and receiving cheques
But, I know the quest for money comes from a quest for sex
So I cut to the chase, and forgot about my job
And decided to stay home with your Mama on my knob
.
I can see you laughing so I guess you think it's funny
But, while you're gettin' drunk, I've been getting honey
And by tomorrow night you'll be hungover and sick
And I'll be at my home with your Mama on my dick
.
Cause your Mama's on the top of my things to do list
Your Mama's on the top of my things to do list
Your Mama's on the top of my things to do list
Your Mama's on the top of my things to do list
.
Thinkin' you're the man, but, I am brining news
Our manhood's measured by the women that we choose
And you can't earn respect if all you ever pick is sluts
So I'll be stayin' home to let your Mama suck my nuts.
.
Your Mama's on the top of my things to do list
Your Mama's on the top of my things to do list
Your Mama's on the top of my things to do list
Your Mama's on the top of my things to do list
.
Eat more fruit, plant more trees
Learn to shoot, travel overseas
Wash the dog, read a book
Find three Chinese recipes to cook
Learn to waltz and speak Maltese
Ferment to invent a better fetta cheese
The highest they get is number two
Cause number one on my list of things to do is
.
Your Mama.
Your Mama.
Your Mama.
Your Mama.
.
She's always on top!
She's always on top!
She's always on top!
She's always on top!
.
In my dream I was a cop, And I stopped to arrest her
Never met a whore more hardcore, so I frisked her
Steamed up the Beamer and needed the demister
When she licked my colon cleaner than a clyster
got another blister from playing naked twister
.
Raw on the floor with ya mama and ya sister
Hadn't even kissed but she still me me fist her
I let her drive home pissed
and said asta la vista baby.


_

Monday, January 22, 2007

Damn, The best I ever found was a sea shell.

Anyone who's been to a beach has seen the old people walking around with a metal detector. Presumably they are looking for rings, coins and maybe even pirate loot. I highly doubt any of them ever found a fifty thousand dollar BMW Motorcycle.

When the freighter HMS Napoli was holed and began taking on water, her Captain beached her on a sand bar off the cost of England. The ship is listing to Port, and as such some of her trailer sized containers have plummeted into the sea, and washed up on the beach. The English government has posted warnings in every possible way about the danger of the oil in the water, and also the danger of salvaging items from the wreck. It is against the law to salvage these items, says the government and if you are caught there is a fine.

I don't know about you folks, but if I found this BMW, I don't know if I would turn it in. If you do it's just going to end up as some auction where the shipping line gets to double dip through insurance. See, they'll file an accident claim and basically get reimbursed for all the items lost, and then they will get to see the ones worth selling. There's a place on the Eastern Shore of Maryland where they used to do the same thing with things that were damaged in truck shipping. Although, come to think of it, the best thing I ever found at Preston Salvage was a box of CD's. I never saw a BMW.


_

Sunday, January 21, 2007

"Change Will Do You Good"

A few years ago Inky and I started saving our change in two different banks in the house. Before that I used a big beer mug, but the problem with that was that I used to root through it for the quarters. Now, however, we have the type of banks you need a screwdriver to open and that has caused us stop dipping in when we needed toll money or what have you.

We cashed out about $40 in change before we went to Vegas and about $70 before we went to Australia. Ever since coinstar started giving full credit if you take a gift card, we have been breaking into the stash a little more often. The last time we did it was in early fall and I got about $40 out, which I used for Christmas shopping. I was amazed when I busted them open on Friday and Inky and I got $55.79 out of it after only a few months. That's 147 Quarters, 117 Dimes, 94 Nickels, and 264 pennies!

It's like found money. Just like a rebate on an item you buy that you need anyway, or a twenty dollar bill you find in the pocket of you winter coat after it's been in the closet all summer. So now Inky and I have about 28 bucks each to spend at amazon and next time it could be circuit city or itunes. What a country!

_

Thursday, January 18, 2007

I didn't say @/#!! I said motherfucker.

This is the last in my series of rants and musings from our trip to Virginia Beach. The trip was great, and badly needed, and VB is a real nice area to visit. That being said; I am kind of a dick and I find little stuff to make fun of no matter where I go.

As Inky and I walked the streets of VB we noticed these little circular signs that let everyone know that cursing was not allowed in them there parts. We thought it was pretty funny, and got an even bigger kick out of the bigger, more inclusive signs they had that had a list of other things that are not allowed.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't think kids should be subjected to a lot of the things that the sign outlaws. That said, I also think we have gotten a little out of control with how we try and make everything "kid friendly" these days. It's always the kids who grow up in the house where they are coddled who end up snapping and shooting half their co-workers. Maybe hearing a curse word on the street while they are at the beach isn't the worst thing that can happen to them.

As for the sexually explicit behavior part, that depends on how you define it. Sure we can all agree that you shouldn't be giving head on the boardwalk, but I'm pretty sure that's not what they are talking about. I'm not a big fan of P.D.A's either but as every "teen summer love while on family vacation at the beach" movie has taught us, sometimes the kids need to get all up on's with one another. That is until the girl from the city sees the beach guy she's been flinging with, in the arms of another. Then her dad tries to put Baby in a corner and then they dance... wait wrong movie. Shit. Where was I?

Oh yeah, the sign. The thing that really made me laugh was the third bullet point prohibiting "wearing revealing attire which is inappropriate in a public setting." Have you been to a beach lately? Some of the bikinis that girls wear today could fit in those little plastic bubbles you get from the toy and candy machines in the front of the supermarket.

So... it's OK to dress like a ho-bag on the beach, but not 35 yards away on the street with all the shops. I mean come on! If you can't walk from the beach in your micro-bikini to buy your hermit crab (free with the purchase of a cage- what a bargain) then haven't the terrorists won? All I know is we didn't get bothered once while we were there, which is surprising. We both had on thongs and were walking around yelling fuck at the top of our lungs while giving the finger to passing cars.

_

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

The Worst Giveaway Ever

Here's another tale from our trip to Virginia Beach. While out walking along Atlantic Ave, Inky and I encountered the worst giveaway ever. We saw a sign in front of The Capes Resort Hotel that said "Free mattresses" which at first didn't seem too bad. Then we started to think about those TV news magazine shows where they take the black light into the hotel rooms and find the spots of blood, piss and spunk that are all over the room.

The one place that always has the most stains it the bed. And not just the bedspread, blankets and sheets either because most of the aforementioned stain causers will leach all the way into the mattress. I had always assumed, or hoped I guess, that hotels got rid of their mattresses on a fairly regular basis. Maybe even half as soon as one of us may get rid of ours, since ours probably have a whole lot less blood, piss spooge on them.

So I applaud the Capes for pulling some old mattresses out of their establishment and putting in some new ones, but did they need to give them away? I know what your thinking: 'But Greazy are you sure that they weren't giving away new mattresses?'

Yes. Because on the second day we were in VB we walked by the Capes again and saw some of the freebies laying against the front of the hotel. They look like they were a pretty good size, but their quality was immediately discernible. All of them appeared to have large stains, unless they were some sort of hotel mattress stigmata, that meant they were piss, blood and cum soaked. The one in the front was so bad it looked as if it had been dipped in the ocean like a tortilla into salsa.

I started to wonder less about the hotel manager who put these freebies out, and started to wonder about who is driving down the road and slams on the breaks and picks one of these things up. It reminded me of Cousin Eddie from the movie "Christmas Vacation" when he asks Clark if he can have the chair that the cat got fried under. We've all seen the person who goes around the block to take a second look at a chair or couch that's been put out for the trash. Hell, I grew up with it. Mama Greazy would see an old chair that she thought she could re-cover or reupholster and she would make us jump out of the van and pull it in. XL, Big Wayne and I took a leather couch that was destined for the dump in college, and we had to put books (yes college text books) under it to keep the cushions from falling through the bottom due to it's lack of springs.

BUT WE NEVER PICKED UP A JIZZ SOAKED MATTRESS!

I know some people will tell me that it was the Christian thing for the hotel to do, that there are people in this world who can't afford a new mattress. That's true, there are people who can't, but the way to fix that isn't to give them our man-mayonnaise coated cast offs. We were in the home of the 700 Club who bring in thousands of dollars an hour to pay for Pat Robertson's lavish life style, maybe they can start to help those people like churches are supposed to.

Or here's a novel idea: maybe our government can help them by raising the minimum wage, keeping our jobs in the country and eliminating taxes for anyone who makes less than 30k a year. Let the rich people who stay in $350 a night rooms at the Beach in the summer and blow a load on one mattress while their kid tinkles on the others foot the tax bill for the people who have to pick up one of these nasty giveaways.

_

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Inky Does Williamsburg

As I said in yesterday's post, I dragged Inky to Colonial Williamsburg while we were on our little 5 day weekend trip. The Pictures here don't do justice to just how disinterested she was by all of the living history we were surounded by, but here's goes.











So here Inky is sitting on the steps of the Cobbler, I think she's thinking of ways to kill me right now.




Here Inky watches as every kid at the place begs their folks to put them in the stocks and take their picture. When I asked her for the same thing she told me I was number one.


I think Inky had a rash on her wrist this day, because everytime I pointed to an old shop, or house, or even ye ole snack stand she looked at her wrist like so







I thought she got enough sleep the night before, but I guess she must have tossed and turned, because she sure yawned a lot. Mostly when I talked about how amazing it was that people from the Colonial era were able to build things that are still around today. The building I'm talking about is the big stone one in the back ground, not the one leaning up against the fence.



I don't know if she had a stone in her shoe, or something but when I went running after the horse and carraige she had a really pained look on her face.









As it turns out we walked in the "back enterance" to the Colonial Williamsburg park, and ended up not paying for the history we saw. I felt a bit bad about it, but Inky thought it was somehow funny. She always keeps me on my toes.



.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Vacation without Destination

So Inky and I hit the road last week with the original idea of driving 15 hours to Florida. Around DC we realized that was an awful long time in the car, so plan B came into play. We pulled out the atlas and looked at the possible stops along the I-95 corridor, and tried to factor the weather, visitability and price into our choice. Inky talked about a place she and her family used to stay in Virginia Beach, and so we decided to hang a left at Richmond and head for the Hampton Roads area.

We found the Newcastle Motel right where the Inky Clan left it, as well as a nice little cafe across the street called the Raven. We swam in the indoor pool and walked along the beach, the latter being made much nicer by the high 60s temps. On Thursday the place was empty of all but empty-nesters enjoying a sea side resort on the cheep. On Friday afternoon we noticed there were a lot more families who rolled into town, but almost all the licence plates we saw were from Virginia. (By the way, what's the deal with all the vanity tags in Virginia? It seems like every third car has one.)

Since I have the best wife in the world she suffered a trip to a naval antiques store in Portsmouth, and walking tour of the USS Wisconsin in Norfolk. I have this thing for navy traditions and history not to mention a love of all things that float. So other then Pearl Harbor and San Diego this was the worst place she could have gone with me. She was quite gracious on this leg of the trip, but I pushed my luck over the weekend. Click on back to TGWOOfY tomorrow for a photo montage of Inky in Colonial Williamsburg.

It was nice to get away for a few days with my lady, and it was badly needed. We had a very relaxing time (even with an F-18 flying over head every 90 seconds) and we also managed to stay very active on the trip. We walked up and down the 3 mile board walk a few times, and did quite a lot of walking at all our other stops as well. We climbed the stairs at the cleverly named Mount Trashmore, which was no easy feet. Once on top we thought for a few seconds about rolling down like all the kids, but we passed. In addition to all the walking at places like Trashmore and the USS Wisconsin we also hit the gym at the hotel breaking a long tradition of making fun of people who work out on vacation.

Tomorrow I'll be posting a little tale I like to call Inky in Williamsburg. On Wednesday I'll bring you a tale of the worst give away ever, and then on Thursday I am pleased to present a case study about warning signs in Virginia Beach.

_

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Heads Carolina, Tails California.

So Inky and I are getting ready for a little 5 day vacation and we are taking a different approach. Rather than pick where we wanted to go, we just picked when. Once that was done we just left the rest to chance, and whim.

We may drive all the way to Florida. We may stop in Virginia Beach or we could end up any where in-between. As far as I'm concerned the less planning we do the better. I want to be able to decide to go some where and just go. And so we will.

I'll post when we get back about where we've been, or if time and facilities allow I'll post as we go. "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I couldn't travel both."

_

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Eight is (More Than) Enough

I've been waiting for this day for along time. Today Cal Ripken Jr. was elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame in his first year of eligibility. Not that there was ever much doubt, mind you, as most of the suspense was tied up in seeing if he or Tony Gwynn could become the first players to ever be inducted with 100% of the vote.

They weren't.

This is partly because there are some people who feel like they get to play judge and jury with their vote. Take Paul Ladewski of the Daily Southtown in suburban Chicago, who was one of two writers to send in a blank ballot. He said he couldn't vote with a clear mind without knowing all the truth about the "steriods era." Never mind that in Ripken's second MVP season he was third in the league with 34 homers.

That's for a full season kids, not by the all star break. Not to mention that steroids tend to cause nagging little injurys that keep a player out of games from time to time (See Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds). Today, I'm not even bothered by the haters out there who say that Cal wouldn't have been a hall of famer with out his streak. Note that a lot of these people are Yankee fans who were pissed that he broke a Yankee record. The rest seem to be Philly fans who are all just pissy in general. I think Jason Stark of ESPN said it best when he said: "The fact is, though, that Cal Ripken would be a Hall of Famer whether he'd played in two games in a row or 2,000 in a row. That streak made him an icon, but he was already a Hall of Famer. The streak was just a frame around a great career."

I'm looking forward to the day this summer when Inky, XL and I pack up our stuff and make the treck to Cooperstown to see two unique players get inducted into the hall. Gwynn, like Ripken played all of his seasons for one team, and that team was his home team, again also like Ripken. When are you going to see that again? Sure Derrik Jeter may play his entire career for the Yankees (which is still an acomplishment these days) but he's not from New York.

_

Monday, January 08, 2007

Vote?

My "little" brother turned 18 today. Fuck that's depressing, I can vividly remember the day he was born. I was just shy of my 13th birthday and on my way to not being the youngest kid for the second time.

For much of his life I have been gone, however, because when he was two I went off to boarding school for two years. Then after two years at the local public high school (one of the only common bonds between all my siblings and I) I went off to College in Pennsylvania. After school I moved from PA to Maryland and back to PA but never back to Jersey, so I've seen him grow up in bits and pieces.

I called him today to wish him a happy birthday, and see how his day was going. He said there would be no party because everyone was feeling a bit under the weather, and so I told him that if he had his drivers licence (which I can't believe he doesn't yet) he could go out and take advantage of his new age.

Here's how the conversation went:

Greazy: Wow, you're 18 now. You know what that means right?

Lil Greazy: Yeah. I can vote.

Greazy: Vote? Vote! No! You can bet on horses, gamble on the lottery and buy cigarettes and porn you fool.

That's what I did on my 18th birthday. It was a Tuesday so a friend and I cut class and drove to the local convenience store were we picked up some scratch off lotto tickets. Then we went to Freehold Raceway and bet on horses, before getting lunch at Frank's Chicken House (the first and last time I ever ate at a strip club) and then stopped on the way home and picked up a pack of Marlboro reds and a few Hustler's and Playboys.

Come to think of it I was kind of stoked to vote in the midterm elections in 1996 though.

_

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Cowboy Schadenfreude

Somebody should get Tony Romo's belt and shoelaces, just to be sure he doesn't do anything rash. Don't get me wrong I feel bad for Tony Romo the person. I can't even imagin what it must feel like to cost 53 other guys a playoff win, let alone the coaches, owner and all the fans.

That said I couldn't be happier about what happened to Tony Romo, the abstract representation of the Dallas Cowboys. Ever since I was a kid I have hated the Cowboys with a white-hot passion. In the "loves and hates" section of my Senior yearbook, the hates section read like this. Hates: The Yankees, The Cowboys, Show offs, Mondays and Bad Tippers. It's all still true today, only with 13 more years worth of hate, and Three more Cowboys Superbowls and 4 more Yankee World Seires titles.

In the post game interviews you could tell that T.O. could barly contain his desire to say "we would have won if they had thrown the ball to me more." Never mind he had a huge drop on a pass Romo threw him. T.O. is still a dick, by the way, but this is about Romo. After fumbling the snap on the 19 yard feild goal that would have won the game, Romo walked to the side line and hung his head. I couldn't help but laugh at the misfourtunes of the Cowboys.

When Romo made his apperence at the podium after the game, it looked as if he was on the verge of tears. When asked by a reporter if this was the lowest point in his life (Life, not career mind you) I half expected him to respond like this. "Well there was this one time in high school when I came before I even got the condom on. The girl laughed and laughed and told all her friends and then they called me quick draw for the next... well till now. But this was worse because at least I got to see her boobies and I busted a nut."

_

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Top 10 Songs of 2006

So here they are, the top 10 songs of 2006. Making up the 10 acts that ended up on top are 5 American groups 2 Australian, and one each from England, Scottland and Canada. The tottal top 100 fetured 65 different groups and artists with 32 from the US, 12 from Oz, 11 from Britan, 4 from Canada, two from Scottland and one each from Norway, Sweeden, Ireland and Russia.

10) Flyleaf - All Around Me. I hate myself for liking this group, and I blame it all on MySpace. It just goes to show you that Pastor Skip's line from the Movie, Saved! is true: You just can't tell the difference between christ-rock and secular music anymore. If I pretend that Lacey is singing to some hot guy, or girl for that matter, and not Jesus this song is amazing.


9) The Living End - Long Live the Weekend. Simply put this song is the anthem for every person who ever hated their job. The older generation had "Take This Job and Shove It" we have one of Australia's best punkabilly bands extoling the vertures of Friday through Sunday night.

8) The Be Good Tanyas - Ootischenia. I caught on to this record late in the year, so 8 is a pretty high spot for this Canadian folk/blue grass outfit. Their harmonys are amazing and they really have an amazing feel for the traditional sound. You might think they came from the dirty South but they're from the frozen north.

7) Pretty Girls Make Graves - Parade. These Seattle indie rockers have been at if for 5 or 6 years but they never quite hit it big here at home. They released their newest record two months eairler in Australia and the UK then they did in the US. I knew the Brits and Aussies had it better then we did. On this Track Andrea Zollo calls on the workers to throw down their push brooms and hang up their apron ties, and Strike! You gotta love a call to arms.

6) Killing Heidi - Decide. I still don't know if this song will ever be released, since the band is on a break. They were 95% done with their 4th studio record and they decided they needed to take a break from one another and try something different. That's not surprising since they have been playing together for 10 years. That said, it is my hope that Ella, Jesse, Adam and Warren get it back together and put this puppy out. Once again thanks to MySpace, because that is the only way I was able to hear this song.

5) Camera Obscura - Lloyd, I'm Ready to Be Heartbroken. I think CO lead singer Tracyanne Campbell may have one of the best singing voices I have ever heard. You get just enough of her Scottish accent mixed amongst her fantistic range and smooth tones. The song is reminicant of 80's pop music, but in all the best ways and is an amazing listen.


4) be your own PET - Bunk Trunk Skunk. This song comes off of my favorite record of the year, but is was next to impossible to pick a favorite. Jemina Abegg may be my new favorite rock singer (in close compition with Kate Jackson from the Long Blondes) because you get nothing but raw power and emotion when she sings. The first four tracks on this record cover about 7 minutes and all flow together so well I was tempted to put them all on the list together. "I'm a independent, motherfucker, and I'm here to take your money. I'm wicked rad and I'm here to steal away your virginity."
3) Artic Monkeys - Fake Tales of San Francisco. Ok, sure, you probably got sick of hearing about how these guys were the next big thing out of England. Well they are, so get over it and enjoy. I can only immagin that the best way to hear the Monkeys would be after your third pint, in a tiny pub in a bad part of town. They just have a very real grimy feeling to them, and it is great. To top it all off, they are another group who choose to sing with all the splendor of their native accent, marvelous!

2) Johnny Cash - Like the 309. This about as honset and real as music making can get. With Cash in the December of his life Rick Rubin let the the tape roll and captured one hell of an amazing song. "It should be a while till I see Dr. Death..." sings Cash to start the song, but he goes on to sing about being "put in my box" in an acknoledgment that his time is almost up. It is Genius in it's purest form.

1) Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins - Handle With Care. Ok, I know it's a cover, and some will say that the Wilburys did it better, but not me. Jenny Lewis penned some amazing songs of her own on this record, and two of them are on my list (#22, #86) but her version of Handle really jumped out at me. Some of the words that Dylan, Harrison, Orbison etc, wrote in '88 are so much more meaningful today. "Been stuck in airports terrorized, sent to meetings hypnotized. Over exposed, comeritalized. Handle me with care." Add to that the guest vocals of Death Cab's Ben Gibbard and Bright Eyes' Conor Oberst and you have the best song of 2006.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Top 100 Songs of '06: 40-11

This is the last group of 30, before I reach the Top 10 Songs of the year. Some of this songs on my list were on records that were released in 2005, but were singles in all, or part of '06. There are also a few tracks that came off of the net, but have not yet been released, I have made the decision to include the ones that are not likely to be on a record in '07, but have left off those that will such as Missy Higgins. Much love and thanks go out to my editor, and my musical muse: Inky.

40) Dianna Anaid - Dumb Opinion
39) Clare Bowditch - Divorcee by 23
38) Red Hot Chili Peppers - Tell me Baby
37) KT Tunstall - Suddenly I See
36) Kate Havnevik - SoLo
35) Butterfingers - Get Up Out of the Dirt.
34) Gnarls Barkley - Crazy
33) Matisyahu - King without a Crown
32) Christina Aguilera - Ain't No Other Man
31) U2 & Billie Joe Armstrong - The Saints are Coming.

30) Imogen Heap - Goodnight and Go
29) Artic Monkeys - Still Take You Home
28) Mark Knopfler & Emmylou Harris - This is Us
27) Ani DiFranco - 78% H2O
26) Amy Millan - Headsfull
25) The Church - She'll Come Back For You Tomorrow
24) Foo Fighters - No Way Back
23) The Long Blondes - Weekend without Makeup
22) Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins - Rise Up With Fists
21) Dresden Dolls - Shores of California.

20) Cat Power - The Greatest
19) Regina Spektor - Better
18) Pearl Jam - Life Wasted
17) Neko Case - Hold On, Hold On
16) Veruca Salt - Closer
15) Laura Imbruglia - My Dream of a Magical Washing Machine
14) The Cardigans - In the Round
13) Lady Sovereign - Love Me or Hate Me. I Simply can not stop playing this record. SOV reminds me of the rap I liked as kid, the LL and Run DMC stuff. She has a quick wit, and a sharp tongue and every other thing you may not expect from a White, 5 foot, British chick.
12) The Heard - I was only 19
11) Death Cab for Cutie - I will Follow

_

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Top 100 Songs of '06: 70-41

I'm back with 30 more songs for my own little top 100 of 2006. I couldn't be more let down by the songs picked by Rolling Stone for their 100 (They Included Fergie For Christ's Sake) so I decided to do it myself. If you are feeling a bit democratic then you can participate in the largest fan voted music list in the world: the Triple J Hot 100.

70) The Long Blondes - Once and Never Again.
69) Johnny Cash - Rose of my Heart
68) Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Phenomena
67) She Wants Revenge - Sister
66) Shiny Toy Guns - You Are the One
65) Laura Imbruglia - Lettuce and Anarchists
64) Keane - Is It Any Wonder
63) The Be Good Tanyas - Human Thing
62) Girlyman - Genevieve
61) Flyleaf - So I Thought
60) Faithless - Bombs

59) be your own PET - Bog
58) Tristtan Prettyman - November
57) The Living End - What's on Your Radio
56) Ray LaMontagne - Be Here Now
55) Meg & Dia - Tell Mary
54) Little Birdy - Come On
53) Less Than Jake - Overrated
52) The Dixie Chicks - Not Ready to Make Nice
51) Lady Sovereign - Fiddle with the Volume

50) Pearl Jam - World Wide Suicide
49) Camera Obscura - Dory Previn. This amazing Scottish Group tells stories with their songs. This song is all about troubled relationships, and Dory had her fair share, not to mention that her husband left her for Mia Farrow at which time they adopted at little girl named Soon-Yi who later shacked up with Woody Allen.
48) The Wreckers - Stand Still, Look Pretty
47) Peaches - Fuck or Kill
46) Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Fancy
45) Sara Bareilles - Little Voice
44) Cat Power - Could We
43) Sia - Breathe Me
42) Kasey Chambers - Colour of a Carnival
41) Lily Allen - Smile

_

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Top 100 Songs of '06: 100-71

Now that 2007 is under way, I feel as if I can throw some dirt on 2006's casket. So for the next 4 days I will post the 100 songs I most enjoyed in the year that was. I'll do 30 a day for the first three days and then the top 10 with more info on the last day. I know you are all beside yourselves in antisipation so with out further delay here are the first 30.


100) Flyleaf - I'm So Sick.
99) Peaches - Boys wanna Be Her.
98) be your own PET - We Will Vacation.
97) The Be Good Tanyas - For The Turnstiles.
96) The Ditty Bops - Fish to Fry.
95)Pearl Jam - Inside Job.
94) Goldfrapp - Ooh La La.
93) Regina Spektor - Fidelity.
92) Mark Knopfler and Emmylou Harris - I Dug Up a Diamond.
91) The Long Blondes - Christmas is Cancled This Year.
90) Lady Sovereign - Random.


89) Weird Al Yankovic - White and Nerdy
88) KT Tunstall - Other Side of the World
87) Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
86) Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins - The Big Guns
85) Sarah McLachlan - River
84) Dresden Dolls - Sing
83) Corrine Bailey Rae - Put Your Records On
82) Ani DiFranco - Subconcious
81) The Living End - 'Till The End. (This is a great Aussie Rock group who have been at it for years. Their newest record is pure rock through and through and delivers a few of my favorites from this year.
80) The Cardigans - I Need Some Fine Wine and You Need To Be Nicer.


79) Sia - Broken Bisket.
78) Regina Spektor - On the Radio.
77) Alexa Ray Joel - Now it's Gone
76) Clare Bowditch - Little Self Centred Queen
75) Pretty Girls Make Graves - The Nocturnal House
74) Killing Heidi - Waiting
73) Morningwood - Jetsetter
72) Something for Kate - Oh Kamikaze
71) Neko Case - John Saw That Number

_

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

When did this happen?

On three separate occasions this year I have been forced to realize that Alec Baldwin is one hell of an actor. I have seen three movies that he has been in (albeit not as a star) this year and all three times I have been surprised at how good he is. In "Running with Scissors" "The Departed" and "The Good Shepherd" Baldwin delivers powerful and believable performances.

This is the same guy from "Beetlejuice" right?

Sure he was great in "The Hunt for Red October" but then he laid down the Jack Ryan mantle and let Indiana Solo pick it up. I guess I have always just let how bad his brothers are cloud my judgment, because thinking back on it, he's been doing some good work for a while. Never mind his unrecognized genius as Leonardo Leonardo on the Clerks cartoon, we all know that Baldwin is a fucking laugh riot on Saturday Night Live.

He has hosted SNL 13 times and all you have to do is see him in that sleeping bag with Canteen Boy ("You Know what I hate Canteen Boy? Underpants.") and you know that he can do it all. A lot of people get all tied up in his political statements but I think his tendencies to the left are balanced out by his nut-job of a brother Bible Thumper Baldwin (Oops I mean Stephen, you know the one who did "Threesome.")

Over the last few years Alec has popped up in funny roles on Will and Grace and other guest spots, and now he is the lead on his own show: 30 Rock. I have to admit that I haven't begun to watch it, but I may just give it a shot. After all, it stars one of my favorite actors. Boy, I did not see that coming.

_