First thing's first. I made a damn fine Santa. I got roped into playing the jolly ole elf for an event at a local community center, and I went along begrudgingly. I accused the person I work with who asked me to be Santa of picking me only because I'm fat, because it can't have been for my disposition with kids. I don't like them, but they always seem to love me, kind of like dogs who also love me despite the fact that I would be just as happy if they all died a terrible death. The dogs that is, the kids just need to steer clear of me and we will be ok.
The real question I had was: how does one go about being Santa? I decided to do some method acting and I fully based my performance on the Santa from South Park. I used the same voice and had to fight the urge to sing “Rio” by Duran Druan. In the end I had a good enough time playing Santa, even though I had a bit of a hard time reading some of the kids names and that really seamed to piss their mom's off. I also came into contact with one recipient who may have been as old as 16 or 17 who sat on Santa's lap just long enough for me to see her thong sticking out of the top of her jeans. The best part was that they had this little metal or plastic clasp that held the waist part together with the butt crack part that said "juicy." All in all, however, it was nice to bring some holiday spirit to some folks I don't even know. I've added that Karma deposit to my ledger.