A few months ago I did the first in a series of posts about how there are only two different types of people in the world. Today I continue that theme. Most people can be divided into commonly recognized camps such as Elvis or the Beatles or Coke or Pepsi. Those are easy things, but some are harder to figure out. I think most people in this world either fall into a pattern of blaming themselves or blaming everyone else.
The news is riddled with stories of people who can point a finger at who it was that made them the fucked up adult they are today. Be it a overly protective parent, or an absentee parent; a hurtful lover or a clinging nuisance, so many people have a Rollo Tomassi. (If you don't know who this is, for gods sake rent "LA Confidential.) Christ, just turn on Oprah and you will see guests who make ridiculous claims like: "I can't lose weight because my mother over fed me." Or: "The reason I am not a success in life is because my high school basketball coach never told me I was good enough." Then there are always the absurd excuses fucknuts who cheat feed to their spouses. "I wouldn't have fucked the secretary if my wife had lost the baby weight and kept the house clean." Or: "I only fucked that other girl because I didn't know how to love myself, so I couldn't love my wife." Pathetic.
Of course, the other camp isn't without fault as well. Because while the people above are hurting others to make themselves feel better, the second group is hurting themselves to make others feel better. They always assume that everything is their fault, and that they are the reason why things go wrong. These are the people who say excuse me when someone runs into them on the street, and I should know, because I am one of them. These people enable the people above by not only eating the shit sandwich, but telling the person who serves it to them that they really enjoyed it.
When you blame yourself for things that other people so obviously fucked up you do yourself the greatest disservice of all. I'm all about personal responsibility, which my older brother recently talked about in his blog, but at some point you also have to be able to stand up and say: This is not my fault, and I won't feel bad about it. Some times, no matter how hard you try people will just fuck up. And if you did nothing to cause their fuck up, you can't beet yourself up about it.
It makes me think about a classic scene from Kevin Smith's O.G. Jersey Movie "Clerks" where a customer gets his hand caught in a pringles can trying to get the last chip from the bottom. Dante pats this guy on the back after helping him extricate his hand from said can and gives him this pearl: "sometimes you just have to let those hard to reach chips go." And sometimes no mater how much work you do for your boss, they will shit on you, and you will feel like it's all your fault. Sometimes, no matter how much you do for a friend, they will always treat you like dirt and make you feel like it's all your fault. Sometimes no matter how much you bend over backward to help a loved one, they will only be able to come up with the things you didn't do. And you just have to let those hard to reach chips go.