Monday, August 28, 2006

Mama Always said: Stupid is as stupid confesses to.

Let's face it, we all knew this crazy fuck didn't do it. Maybe he just wanted a free plane ride home when he was done screwing kids in Thailand. Maybe he wanted to see his name on the TV and in the Papers, and knew that the dumb fucks in the media would be all too apt to play into his hands. Maybe he really thinks he killed JonBenet.

What is clear is that John Mark Karr is bat shit crazy. All you have to do is take one second to think about how fucking nuts you have to be to confess to a crime that occurred while you were at family Christmas, and then you get the idea of just how far gone this mo-fo is. I personally think we should be able to lock him up for saying he was in love with JonBenet, but that's just me.

In the end, what should be obvious, is this. When a crazy person like this comes along they have to go in for something. We know he didn't do what he was claiming to have done, but then again the claim is what is troubling. So let's do JMK and the world at large a favor. Let's put him in a nice padded room, and never fucking talk about him again.


Saturday, August 26, 2006

Just what in the hell is wrong with you people?

De gustibus non est disputandum. Or in English There's no accounting for taste. This I know all to well, and for the most part I'm happy to allow people to enjoy anything that makes them happy. In fact as I get older I feel even more strongly that we all should take as much time finding that which makes us happy, because: Vita nostra brevis est, or, Our lives are short.

All that said, I sometimes wonder if people are really doing the work. Are they taking the time to decide if they really like something, or are they are just backing into it. I wish we could require some people to "show their work" like in long division, so that they could provide some bridge from 'why do you like this crap' to 'I like it because I like it' which is always the answer. Sure I can't argue with some one about what they like, but just like Sister Mary Margaret in 6th grade I think I am entitled to ask for you all to show your work.

What the fuck do you like about Paris Hilton? I mean that in every way possible, not just about her watered down island rhythm song with drivel for lyrics. "If you show me real love, baby, then I'll show you mine." WHAT? Come on people, don't we have the right to expect more than this from those who are lucky enough to live the life of a star. I know Paris is trying as hard as her country club up bringing will allow, but this smacks of less effort then her fellatio technique. It would have been bad enough that she even got to make a massively post produced and pitch corrected record if it was as well received as one of Shaq's, but this steaming pile of excrement is a fuckin' hit.

I hate to sound old here, but there was a time in this country when we really tried. When you only got but so many chances to make it before you were shown the door. Time was if you already showed that you were bad at having sex on film, worse at acting on TV and in movies and seemingly incapable of just being born rich and being happy with that, then you were cast aside. But, now we will just sit back and watch as these worthless waists of space keep running that play till they get it right. Ok maybe not right, but good enough. As a matter of fact we should change that to the national slogan. America: Good Enough.

Come on folks, get your head in the game, and tell Paris to go back to giving it.


Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Isn't this America? I thought Money Talked.

There was a time in my life that I became so jaded that I thought all you needed was a ton of money, and you could do whatever you wanted. Guess not. Harry Morton, son of Hard Rock Cafe founder Peter Morton, has a bunch of money, but he can't have what he wants. Seems the second generation restauranteur wanted to buy the naming rights to the Arizona Cardinals new stadium, and he is willing to pay top dollar for this right too. He will fork over 3 million bucks a year for the next 10 years to put the name of his new place on the stadium: Pink Taco Restaurant Stadium.

What? Is there a problem with that. If you think so then you are on the side of the Cardinals, and the general public who think naming an eating place after slang for "girl parts" is bad. Ok, only bad if it is the girl parts down south, or "Down there" in a turn of phrase Inky loves. Because we all know naming a place after tits is ok. I personally know of a few places that are named after this area of the body (e.g. The Bearded Clam, The Knappy Dugout etc) but they are not national chains. Lets face it, some people are just freaked out by the vagina, hell half the religions in the world have made it their mission to disengage our thoughts from it.

But, again, I thought this was America. The Cardinals claim that the offer it self is just a publicity stunt, and that Morton would never really pony up the dough. For his part, Morton appeared at a news conference with a check made out for 5 million, and said that he and his company are just trying to gain prominence in the pubic... er ... public eye. Isn't that what these naming rights deals are all about after all? Advertising and publicity. Is the Pink Taco any more offensive than Pac Bell Park, Petco field, or any of the other corporate sponsored venues. Anyone who doubts that Morton has the cash to pull off this deal should know that his old man just sold Hard Rock for 700 million bucks, so coming up with 30 mil shouldn't be a big deal. Add to that the fact that Morton has even said he would be willing to have the stadium called Morton Stadium and just settle for the Pink Taco menu being served there, and you have to wonder what the Cardinals problem is. Maybe they are just un-American, their main color is red after all. Maybe that's it, their commie red would clash with the Taco's pink.


Monday, August 21, 2006

Holy Shit that's a big Kid.

Ah, 7th grade. Things are changing, and you are becoming a young adult. You get hair where there was no hair before, and you start shopping at all the same places as Shaq. Oh, that's right, most of us were still normal sized when we were 13. Not Aaron Durley who is six foot eight and is more than 250 pounds. Durley plays little league baseball, even though he looks like David Ortiz, and makes his teammates look like the lollipop guild. Should make for an interesting sight if he hits a game winning homer and his team try to carry him off the field.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

A big day for Down Under Basketball

The World Baskeball Championships are under way in Japan. While most people are focusing on the storyline of the USA vs the World, I am looking for an underdog story. Some people would have you believe that the US team is an underdog, because we have sucked so bad the last few times out due to our overpaid prima donnas. I, however, am hoping for success for The Boomers of Australia. Don't get me wrong, I want my country of birth to win the damn thing, but we should win. I would love to see the Boomers keep up the momentum the gained last night when they took out Brazil 84-77 in a huge upset. Mark Worthington (pictured above) had a huge game and Sam Mackinnon and CJ Bruthon each had workman like games to take out heavy favorite Brazil.

Meanwhile, across the Pacific from Japan another Aussie B-Baller was having an impact. Lauren Jackson poured in 22 points and pulled down 9 boards to help Seattle take out the LA Sparks in the first game of their playoff series. Jackson brought the pumped up crowed to their feet with a block of Lisa Leslie's jumper late in the game and the Storm rolled to a 84-72 win in game one. Things are looking good for Aussie hoopsters these days, and that is good work out of them, mate.


Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Maybe 49 States would be just fine.

I set out from my tranquil life in central Pennsylvania on Monday morning to visit my family in the great white north. Not Canada, the US version of the Great White North: Maine. Let's face it, Maine might as well be part of Canada, in fact my brother told me our neigbors to the north are trying to reclaim a part of it they say we took unjustly after the war of 1812. I like Maine alright, but i've never quite fallen in love with it like my family has. And so I will make my trek north a few times a year to see them, and take in the sights. After a few days I get to go back to civilization, but to be fair to Maine and Pennsylvania, it's not to over civilized like some states. Connecticut I'm looking at you.

The Nutmeg state may be tiny, but it sure is a real pain in the ass. How can a mass of land that small have so many goddamn roads, and still have that much traffic? I sat on I-84 East just outside of Waterbury for an hour and forty five minutes due to an accident, which then screwed me for the rest of the trip. I hit The Boston area right around the evening rush hour, which set me back longer, and didn't make it to Maine until almost 10 at night.

You may be saying: "But Greazy, surely this was an isolated event, don't judge Connecticut to harshly." I say, Fuck you and fuck Connecticut. Inky and I sat on the same road two years ago for more than two hours at 8:00 at night due to road work. I once sat on 84 for an hour because the cops were trying to get horse out of the road, and I was almost late for my internship in Boston. I know it's a small sample, but I stand by my assertion that we need to give Connecticut back to the British. Or at least we must warn others. I think the best warning was given us by Dante: Lasciate ogni speransa, voi ch'intrate. Or for the Latin impaired: Abandon all hope, you who enter here. Welcome to Connecticut, Bitches.


Sunday, August 13, 2006


When I was a young lad, I would sometimes stay home from school, because I was sick, or for other reasons. On these days I would sit and watch Soap Operas with my mother. Later in college, I would sit and watch some of the same soaps with my roommates, and later with my girlfriend who would become my wife. We still watch a few of them on the soap network from time to time, having discovered that the storylines move so slow you can miss a few months and still know what's going on. My favorite through all these years has been General Hospital from Luke and Laura all the way up to today.

And so it was that Inky and I were taking in the Thursday 8/10 episode of GH on Soapnet today. In all of the mass intrigue and backstabbing I realized something that could undo the very fabric of natural law. There are two children on this show, Christina and Molly, who are all at once sisters... and cousins.

Their Mother, Alexis, was the lawyer for mob boss Sonny and in an absent minded night of passion they conceived Christina. Of course Sonny didn't know she was his kid for a few years, but that's pretty common on soaps. Later Sonny's long lost half brother Rick came along and by and by he also got around to impregnating Alexis, who he then married. There offspring, Molly, was then the half sister of Christina, and also her cousin. Gross.

It gets worse however. One day Sam (Played by the above pictured Kelly Monaco) came to town, and it was soon discovered that she too was Alexis' child, whom she gave birth to at the age of 14. Since she arrived on the show she has been with both Sonny (the father of her half sister) and now Rick, the father of her other half sister and her mothers husband.

This shit is awesome. But if you can't figure it all out here's a flow chart:

(click on it to see larger version)

Saturday, August 12, 2006

I'm Free!

I posted a few weeks ago about how my job made me feel like a whore. Now I've cast of the shackles of my pimp and moved on to bigger and better things.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Maybe we need a new system.

When I get going on this topic a lot of people have a tendency to call me a communist. I however approach this issue from the standpoint of: sometimes what makes the most sense is right no matter how hard it is to execute. The photo you see here is of the Yacht belonging to Paul Allen who made retarded fuck loads of money at Microsoft. As a disclaimer I will say that the system has it set up that if you make a better mousetrap (or at least a really well marketed one, even if it crashes all the time) then you deserve to reap the benefits. So I guess I can't complain that Allen has a boat that costs more than the amount a whole nation of people can earn in their life. He is just playing by the rules. He has a boat so big that it can't even get to the ports in the Med where people spend more money on one meal then it would cost to feed whole cities.

So we need to fix the system. Isn't it time to stop asking anyone who makes less then, oh lets say 50k a year for tax money. Can't we start asking the Allen's and Gates' and countless other millionaires to foot the bill for the poor and working poor in our country. Shit, I think they should even have to foot the bill for middle class. Why you ask? Because they can. They can afford it, and the reason they can is because they have gotten rich on our backs. The same as the oil barons, and railroad barons etc of the past. Call me a socialist or a communist or whatever you like, but I think it's more then time for the rich to start pulling their share, even if it means they have to get a smaller boat.


Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The Countdown is on.

14 Days to go. but I'm getting ahead of myself. When I was a kid one of my teachers had us do an arts and crafts project to help us keep track of the number of days till Christmas. We cut strips of red and green construction paper and made a chain out of them by linking them with tape. Each day we would rip one off until we got to the last one, which meant it was Christmas.

Fast forward 25 years or so and I need another countdown, but not to the Christmas Holiday, but to the Maddenoliday which is what game makers EA Sports are calling August 22. I've long thought of the day Madden was put out as a holiday, and now so too to the marketers of the game. All over the country men and boys of all ages will spend the whole day playing the game. Some grown men will call out of work that day or set up a vacation day as I have done the last few years. To Play a game! Are we sad? Conventional wisdom would say yes, but I have to disagree. In a world where the middle class gets more marginalized each and every day isn't it nice for us foot soldiers to have little things that make us happy? So let us have this one silly little thing, because it's all we ask. Oh yeah, and fantasy football too, but that's a way of life. More on that this weekend following my leagues sixth annual draft.


Monday, August 07, 2006

Movie Review: Clerks II

I was waiting to post about this movie until I saw it a second time so I could fill in the info I missed while I was laughing myself silly. But, alas, Central Pennsylvania blows, and it is only showing at our one theater one time a day now. That's the loss of movie goers around here, because this was one of the funniest movies of the year. Bar none.

First things first, this is a sequel to the out of the blue hit movie "Clerks" from 1994, but if you didn't see the original, or if you saw it and hated it you can still see this flick. The acting in the first Clerks was abysmal, and for good reason, namely all the actors were amateurs. The movie was made for about the cost of one grip for a half an hour on a big budget Hollywood feature. Clerks II was also made on a small budget, but about 10,000 times what its forerunner was put together for.

The story line is solid, and even when it is predictable it holds your attention. Main characters Randal and Dante are just as funny as in the first movie, but come across so much better now that Anderson and O'Halloran are more skillful with their craft. The Cast gets a major kick in the ass with the introduction of Becky (Rosairo Dawson) and Elias (Trevor Fehrman) who work with Randal and Dante at the Mooby's fast food joint. This film was carried by these four, along with a few really awesome scenes with Jay and Bob, who always manage to steal the stage. (It helps to have a best friend who wrote the movie)

The humor here is noting short of disgusting and offensive. And I loved every second of it. For god sake, don't take your kids to this movie and if you are the type of person to bitch about how society is slipping: STAY THE FUCK AWAY!

Friday, August 04, 2006

Teddy Warhol

Sometimes boredom gets the better of us. Like say for instance on a weekend when your other half is out of town, you are stuck between the moon and New York City (Third Shift and the real world) and you need to find a way to amuse yourself. I know this will come as a shock to many a younger man, but there's only so much playstation you can play. The NFL hasn't started yet, and my baseball team is shitty. The one sport I do follow enthusiastically these days is Aussie Rules Football but alas the Footy is only on in the middle of the night here, so my days are filled with boredom when Inky is gone.

So today I walked around the house with my digital camera, and my 30 year old Teddy Bear, aptly yet sadly named Teddy. Teddy and I went to all the rooms in our house that are different colors and I took shots of him up against the wall. Once I had them imported into the computer, I used the paint feature of the computer to cobble together my best Andy Warhol like piece of work. Now you have to ask yourself, is this sad.... or fucking genius!!! Only time will tell.


Show Review: The WAiFS w/Paul Kelly

What would make three otherwise sane adults drive through the Baltimore Beltway, I-95, The Capitol Beltway, Downtown DC, and Downtown Alexandria, at rush hour no less. The answer of course is music. Inky has been going to shows at a break neck pace over the last year and a half, and I've been on board for most of them. This one, however, was all my doing. As I have delved more and more into the world of Australian music, I have found new bands to adore, and when I heard that two of those acts were going to be playing near our nations capitol, I jumped right on getting tickets.

I didn't do much research about the venue we were going to, The Birchmere, so it came as a surprise to all three of us as we walked into a big dinner theater type hall, that looked as if it was ready to host an Elks meeting. We found a table and ordered some dinner and awaited the venerable Mr. Paul Kelly.
When Kelly took the stage the first thing I thought was that he didn't look at all like a man of 51 years. He had a positively Michael Stipe look to him, with his short sleeve shirt and jaunty brimmed jazz man hat. He has a unique vocal style that I think has a twinge of Bob Dylan, but with a southern hemisphere bent. He stood at center (or centre as he's an Aussie) stage and played his guitar and harmonica and belted out nearly a dozen tunes including a few of my favorites. He played the hauntingly poignant "Everythings Turning to White" and ended with "How to Make Gravy" which he pointed out may be set at Christmas time, but the 100 degree weather in DC is reminiscent of Christmas down under. He was spot on with his performance, and I was sad to see his set end, even though I was dying to see the WAiFS hit the stage.

Donna, Josh and Vikki have not played together in an announced show in more than a year, as Vikki reminded us before they began playing. They get a pass, however, because the time off was due to their near concurrent pregnancies and deliveries. Donna told us that the boys, now 10 months, were back stage and that they were going to have a few more so they could franchise the band. There were no signs of rust from either Donna or Vikki and Josh was in top form, as he has had plenty of time to keep sharp during the WAiFS hiatus by playing with Missy Higgins. Vikki pointed out to the crowd that Donna didn't have her tambourine with her and that she was having a hard time figuring out what to do with her hands on songs where she doesn't play a guitar. She also let us know that in addition to his work with the wonderful Ms. Higgins, Josh has kept him self occupied by making the guitars he was using on stage.

The performance was fantastic, and not at all indicative of a group who hasn't toured together in more than a year. Sisters, Donna and Vikki have a wonderful silly banter with one another on stage that makes you feel like you're in their living room while they play a few tunes for you. All three of the main members of the group sing on various tracks and each and everyone of them sounded awesome. I was also happy to hear Donna ask Paul Kelly to come on stage to perform one of his best known tracks with them. He played banjo as Donna sang lead on "From Little Things, Big Things Grow" while Vikki sang harmony and Josh played his hand made electric axe. It was the highlight of the show for me, seeing these wonderful Australian musicians play a masterpiece of a song about a watershed moment in their nations history. I will remember this show for a very long time, and I would recommend a WAiFS or Paul Kelly show to any music lover.


Thursday, August 03, 2006

I'm just too fat for this kind of heat.

Ok, I've had enough. I give up. I've packed my bags and I'm going to live with my family in Maine, cause I just cant stand this type of heat. Inky hates it when I talk about the heat, or the cold, rain, snow, lack of rain, or unusual high or low amounts of wind. Most people can't stand it when people talk about the weather but, alas most of us do. And for good reason, we are spoiled by air conditioning, at home, at work and in our cars. Ask your self this: If you got a job offer from a really great company, but they didn't have AC would you take it? Likewise, would you buy that quaint little house down the street if you found out you had to spend the next 10 years huddled around a window unit? Of course for 99% the answer is no, because we are spoiled.


Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Should I Stay or Should I go?

If I stay, there could be trouble. If I go, it could be double. So you got to let me know.....