Friday, June 30, 2006

I Got Something For Your Mind, Your Body and Your Soul.

Someone I know, Who shall remain name and knicknameless to protect the justifiably guilty came up with a great idea earlier this week. This person works in a place where they have to put up with all kinds of corporate workplace minutia, let alone the incessant pestering of clients. Till recently this person was also haunted by a now replaced piece of faulty office equipment. So what's the faithful "Office Space" fan to do? Well the person in question didn't steal 300k from the company but they did take the offending old piece of equipment home with intentions toward destroying the vile box of wires, chips and plastic.

Yesterday at work I was also bedeviled by a piece of what is supposed to be 21st century technology and I thought about the idea this person had. My problem is the equipment I wanted to trash is pretty new, custom built and costs millions. What to do? Where do you go when work, traffic and the everyday annoyances of life get you down?

(Drum roll punctuated by symbol crash)

To Aggravation Inc. where you can take out all of your pent up, pulsating rage in a cathartic frenzy of destruction. Just like Michael, Samir and Peter did when they kicked the holy hell out of their arch nemesis: The Fax Machine. (Why did it say 'paper jam' when there was no paper jam?) At Aggravation Inc. we specialize in preparing the revenge beating of you dreams, but don't believe me listen to a few of our satisfied customers.

Ed Nichols, Banker from Baltimore. I got sick and tired of sitting in traffic to and from work behind some stupid yuppie who is tying his tie while drinking a latte. At A.I. they let me follow a trained stunt man around their spacious outdoor track in stop and go traffic. Once I worked myself up into a white hot seething lather I jumped from my car and dragged that cocksucker from his car and beet him all about his protective head gear. I feel better now... Thanks Aggravation Inc.

Laura McChesterton, College Student from PA. There is nothing I hate more then people who talk on cel phones at a restaurant or who talk in general at a movie. A.I. set up a great evening in their on site theater and cafe. First we saw a new blockbuster movie and sat right in front of the couple who just couldn't shut the fuck up. Ten minutes in we jumped over the isle and laid waist to them, and the projectionist paused the movie for us! Then we had meal at the great little cafe and about half way through the appetizer the guy in the suit smoking while talking loud on his phone got his. My sister held him down while I went to work on his bread basket with the leg from my chair. The stunt men were great, and so was the food! Thanks A.I.

Troy Jackson, Edison NJ. I work in a big office, and I have no less than 5 different members of the management team who bother me on a daily basis, trying to pawn their work off on me. A.I. got stunt men who looked and talked like my gaggle of bosses and I took them all on, Bruce Lee style. Just like in the movies they only came at me one at a time: Troy did you do that report? Bam a smack across the back with a pool stick. Mr. Jackson where is that spread sheet I asked for? Pow a haymaker to the abdomen. And so on and so forth. Thanks A.I.

J. Mary N. Joseph. Bookseller Borders, York PA. I hate the stupid headsets we have to where around the store, so the manager can constantly monitor us. I also hate stupid people who don't take five seconds to look for a book before asking. Aggravation Inc. set up a very realistic mock up of Borders and let me walk around getting questioned by ignorant rednecks, vacant high school blondes, and impatient yet demanding old people. All the while a guy with a voice just like my manager was harping on me "Mary, we need you at cash. Mary we need you at info." By the time the guy in the Dale Earnhardt as Angle cut off tee asked me if we had " any Nudie books sweet cheeks" I went to another place. I used the headset cord to choke mullet and then started throwing big books at all the others. Just as I got the old man in the hip with "Anna Karenina", I wheeled around and hit the two vapid Britney clones across the faces with Betty Friedan's "Fountain of Age." It was better than an orgasm.

This is the stuff I think up while I'm up all night slowly slipping into madness. I hope you enjoy.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006

The Sun! Thank God, Now I can stop getting two of every Animal.

I live in the Mid Atlantic region which has been battered by constant rain for the last 6 Days. The way I started to see it the time had come to gather timber and two of every animal. Don't get me wrong, I'm not normally a "talk about the weather" kind of guy, but this has just been ridiculous of late. I live with in 10 miles of the Susquehanna river and when that bad boy floods it's about as bad as we get this far East of the mighty Mississippi. So everyone is making ready for crest stages and pulling shit out of their basements. I know only too well how much a wet basement sucks, especially when it had been carpeted with padding and I had to lug all of that out while it was soaking.... Yuck!

So as I split my gaze this morning at both the sun outside my window and the forecast for tomorrow, I'm just going to go ahead and enjoy this while I can.

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006

You have to stick up for your family... I mean Country.

I've posted on this blog a few times about how much I really loved our time in Australia, and how since getting back from our trip I have taken a liking to many things from down under. To that end I joined an Australia topic group on MySpace and spent a few weeks chatting with some of the people on there. I decided to stop as of today however, because I came to understand one truism: people on the internet are dicks.

While most of the people I ran into on the page were cool Aussies who wanted to bandy about all sorts of topics there was group of about 4 or 5 America hatters. They took every opportunity to take shots at the good old US of A and the worst part is, I was with them on some of the things they were angry about, but, I still went on with all guns blazing to rip their criticism to shreds. I even argued against my own beliefs once because I don't like it when people take pot shots at my country. I am a patriot at heart, because no matter how much I know this country is fucked up, it's still my country and we could be a whole lot worse.

I likened this experience to the situation almost everyone faces with their familys. If you and a few members of your family are sitting around talking about one of the people you don't like, or who takes too much liberty in dictating what they think the family should do, it is all good. But let some outsider who is just dating a cousin, or even an newer inlaw say something bad about the person and you will rip their head off. Why? Because it's your family and that means they are yours to love and to hate, and others don't get the same kind of leeway. The same goes with America, as much as I will point out every flaw to those who share her with me, I don't want an outsider taking too many liberties when trying to sum her up. And sadly, like all familys we have the relative who we all are ashamed of when he is seen outside the family. Like the retarded nephew touching his penis in the mall or the nearly braindead old great uncle who babbles and spits up on him self, our family has George W. Bush.

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Monday, June 26, 2006

Stop Thumping It and Start Reading It.


For my 100th post on Blogger I thought I would get a bit serious and wax intellectual about overly religious people and how they rarely, if ever, truly follow the teaching of Jesus. I went to the Seminary for a few years and although I didn't get my Doctorate in Theology, I do feel as if I can claim to have strong education in common sense, common decency and the common life lessons we should all be able to learn from Jesus.

I often wonder what modern religious people think Jesus would be doing if he were walking the earth today? Do they think he would be a CEO of an Oil company, or on the front lines in the war on immoral behavior. I would venture to guess that if he were to return to the earth the first thing he would do is embrace the countless hundreds of thousands of people stricken with the most recent scourge of health, AIDS. Which is the equivalent, in it's effect on the general public, to leprosy. Rather than cut off the people of Africa from help based on their religious beliefs, Jesus would help them. But, our view of the poor, the sick and the downtrodden is that they are the ones with the problem, and we can just sit back and let them suffer.

Who in their right mind thinks that the man who said "blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" would ever tell the poor of the world to 'get a job.' Anyone in this country who is stupid enough to think that Jesus Christ would have approved of, let alone been involved in, a capitalist government is devoid of any rational thought. The US government are the Romans, not the followers of Christ. The people, both Republican and Democrat alike, who sit in Washington and talk about morality have the ability to change things for the better for millions of people and they chose to serve the golden idol.

Jesus says in Matthew chapter 25 verse 40 "whatever you did for one of these, the least brothers of mine, you did for me." I think a lot of people get as caught up in syntax and outdated prose with the Bible, as they do when they read Shakespeare. Simply put, most people can hear a string of words in English and have no idea what it is saying. I remember this quote from the old New American Bible as "What so ever you do to the least of my people that you do unto me." which does have a nicer ring to it. But either way, most people don't understand what JC was saying here, much as they don't understand the gravity of pondering "to be, or not to be." Jesus was telling his people, in simple terms that when you yell hateful things to the woman at the Planned Parenthood, you are yelling them at him. When you tell the person who takes a different path to a righteous life than you, that they are evil, you are saying that to Jesus.

Jesus was a simple man, and even if you don't believe he was the son of God, no one can deny the genius of the simple yet logical path he set before his followers. If you love him so much, all he asks is that you treat every person you come into contact with as if they were him. But no, the followers of Christ these days are full of vitriol and bile for other people who live a different life then they do. They pump $100 at a time into their SUV while others go hungry and children die. Above all else, I am an American and I think as long as you are not hurting anyone you should be able to do whatever you want, with one caveat; walk it like you talk it. If you are going to play the religious, high moral stance then you can't live even a slightly more than comfortable life.

In John 14, Jesus says "Truly, truly I say to you, he who believes in me will also do the works that I do." Translation, if you want to not only believe in Christ but also puff your chest out as a proud Christian, then quit your job and get out there and care for the sick, feed the hungry, clothe the naked and try and lead the wicked to the light. Anything less and I don't want to hear from you about how I am headed to the lake of fire. You can posture and preen here on earth, but do you really think the he can be fooled? If you are truly good, no loving God will turn you away.

The single greatest teaching of the man so many claim to worship and follow but so few relay listen to is from Luke 10:27 "Love your neighbor as yourself." How hard is that, really?

All these people tell us we are living in the end times, and is that too hard to believe? If you were God and your followers were the cause of so much hate and death wouldn't you want to pull the plug? If the end is coming it's because the Almighty must be so let down that we waste copious wealth, squander opportunity after opportunity to help one another and make it all but impossible for the majority of people to live a fulfilling life. At some point all botched experiments are ended, normally by the ones who started them.

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Saturday, June 24, 2006

Record Review: Camera Obscura

I've spent quite a bit of this year listenting to female fronted bands. This is nothing new for me, mind you, as I have always preferred to hear a woman's voice pouring into my ear as opposed to that of a man. In high school I was taunted as a "fag" because I preferred to hear a woman sing a song about a dude then a guy whine about a chick. That's neither here nor there, but this year I have really ramped up my intake of girl bands, as will be evident when I publish my Top 50 songs of 2006 (so far) list on or about July 1st.

Camera Obscura is a group that has been around for 10 years and who keeps putting out amazing top notch pop style music. It's hard to pigeon hole what CO's music is, because despite the ever present force of Tracyanne Campbell's vocals, their style ebbs and flows. For a moment they are enigmatic and coy, and then they come right at you with 80's style pop force. What never changes is Campbell's honey sweat yet silk smooth voice. She has the ability to soar on tracks like "Hey Loyd I'm Ready to Be Heartbroken" as well as an uncanny smoldering style on "Country Mile."

For folks that loved what was good about the late 80's there is the track "If Looks Could Kill" which is only missing the inclusion in a John Hughes film among it's credentials. My favorite track by far is the slow but endearing track Dory Previn which is sung in homage to the singer and songwriter of such famous soundtracks as The Valley of the Dolls. Having done some reading about Previn's history of troubled relationships the songs lyrics come into stark focus. "I think it's time, I put him out of my mind" and "Sick of the sight of my own lover" reveal a woman girding up the strength to wash that man right our of her hair.

This 6 piece Scottish group pulls out each and every stop on this record, andfrom what I have heard they are amazing live as well. To all of you in the Mid Atlantic region, you can take the opportunity to see them your self on July 9th at the Black Cat in DC. Failing that you should at least pick up this disc and enjoy some fine lyrics sung by a modern Siren who even Odysseus could not have passed by.

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Friday, June 23, 2006

My MySpace is better than your MySpace, bitch.

I set up a page on MySpace about a year ago, but not for the reasons most people do. See I wanted to steal music from the thousands of artist pages so I didn't have to pay .99 cents for a song I could live with out. I have an external component CD recorder and I just have to take the line out from my computer and plug it into the line in on the CDR and blamo I have a digital copy of what ever I want to steal. That was all I used my page on MySpace for over the first 9 months, but then I got in there and did a bit of fixing up. I changed my background, I added pictures and joined a few groups. Now I have a modest amount of friends and for the most part I either know or know of all of them. I'm not trying to win a popularity contest, but it is nice to have another avenue of communication with the people I know.

I felt pretty good about being an old fucker on MySpace, amidst all the high school kids who type like they text message. eg: o mY gOd, i cnt blve Tht BiTCH tHnx sHe is Bttr thn Me!. I could even put up with all of the losers on the groups pages who put one another down for how much time they spend there, but I think i may have to delete my page after stopping for gas last night.

There they were, the aforementioned high school hip kids, both adorned in black jeans, with one sporting a pink top meant to show off what she does not yet have and the other with a band tee shirt on that I refuse to believe is cool at the moment (Creed). They were yelling at each other at the top of their lungs and were all but drowning out the claps of thunder heard through out South Central (PA that is) last night.

They were both using the word bitch so much one might have thought they were in a Chappelle Show Skit. The topic of their fight? Well I'm sure you've already guessed that it was MySpace. The sight that has come under much fire in the media of late, and after seeing the wanna be Suicide girls rumbling last night maybe we do need to cut the kids out of the site. From what I gathered from the time I could listen, they were fighting because the girl in the pink top picked the same profile song as the Scott Stapp kid and she was upset.

As I was leaving I heard one last bit of info that may have been the real root of the fight. It seemed that the girl in the Creed Tee's original beef with Pinky was her ubiquitous and tantalizing comments on her boy friends page. Because in the end, no matter how much new technology you throw at them, high school kids are the same now as we were then: dumb, and with very little real problems.

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Tuesday, June 20, 2006

I want a playoff beard.

I know I've done a few sports related blog posts the last few days, but this should be the last for a bit. Inky and I were watching Game 7 last night and I caught sight of one of the best examples of one of sports best traditions. Carolina Hurricanes defenseman Bret Hedican had one of the most finely cultivated playoff beards I have ever seen, I mean that thing was good. I looked like a swath of berber carpet that stretched from ear to ear and then stretched up around his mouth and down to his chest. You could use his face as a putting green. I don't know how Kristi Yamaguchi, his wife, could stand kissing him for the last month. Some players, Like Caines captain Rod Brind'amore chose to shave as usual during the playoffs, but most hockey players join in the crazy world of sports superstitions and abstain from shaving until they are either bounced from the second season or hoist Lord Stanley's cup.

Wouldn't it be great if we all had a reason to go with out shaving, or without stepping on a chalk line on our way to work like baseball players do? I have my habits, and I'm sure you do as well but our's don't resonate like pro athletes do. Maybe I will start calling more attention to my self when I spin the cap on my soda bottle before drinking it from now on, and If I get really out of hand I will hold it aloft and cry like the men on the ice did last night in hockey crazy Carolina.

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Monday, June 19, 2006

What's in a Name?

I was surprised to find out yesterday that Dale Earnhardt Jr hasn't owned his name for the last few years. It's kind of hard for those of us in the real world to think about the idea that one's own name, and the right to license it, could be owned by someone else. In fact it was Dale's father who was among the first to see the benefit of selling a race car driver's image and he was the one who owned his son's name until his death. At the time Dale Sr died the rights of all things owned by his company, Dale Earnhardt Inc, were in control of his last wife Teresa and she set about organizing the company as she saw fit, which was of course her right.

One interesting move was her transference of the ownership of Dale Jr's name to herself as an individual and not as the head of DEI. So for the last 5 years whenever Little E wanted to put his name on an add, or act in a TV spot he had to get his stepmother's say so. Talk about busting balls. The story that announced this weekends transfer of Jr's name back to him said the details of the transaction were not disclosed, which means Teresa could have charged her step son for the opportunity to own the use of his name outright. Me personally? I'm a stubborn mother fucker and I would have changed my public persona to DJ Earnhardt just to tell the old lady to jump!

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Friday, June 16, 2006

An owner after my own heart.

Inky Tivoed Letterman for me on Wednesday so I could see Neko Case perform, which by the was was awesome, but I also watched the rest of the show. Stephen Colbert was the first guest, plugging the Strangers with Candy movie and he was very funny, but the star of the show was Mark Cuban, who was the second guest.

For those of you who don't know Cuban is a self made billionaire who sold his company to Yahoo for almost $6 billion in stock and wisely cashed out his dough before the tech bubble burst. He moved on to buy the Dallas Mavericks Basketball team, and has since set out to be the personification of every thing I have ever said I would do if I were ever smart enough to be as rich as he is.

Cuban is a fans owner, while at the same time being a players owner. What he is not is a league owner. The NBA can't stand Cuban for all the reasons I love him, the biggest being that he really shows how much he loves being the owner of the team. Some people say George Steinbrenner is the same way, but you never see his jubilation when his team does well, you only see him get upset and throw money around when they don't do as well as he expects. Cuban also throws money around, but in the way that most of us work-a-day blokes can understand. He takes care of the people who work for him, and he makes players want to come to a football town to play basketball.

In short I just want to say That's good work out of you Mark Cuban for enjoying the trappings of your success. And for not letting the money go to your head in the bad way that it has The Donald, Paris Hilton and so many other joyless rich people.

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Thursday, June 15, 2006

Summer TV saved!


Just when I thought I was doomed to have nothing but shitty reality shows to watch this summer I have been saved by some new favorites and and old friend. Spike TV airs Star Trek: TNG a few times a day in the afternoon, and I happened to catch the last episode the other day which was my signal that they are flipping around to start airing the series from the beginning this week. So I have that to watch most days in addition to some new shows that come on once a week like Hell's Kitchen (which is a reality show, but is not shitty I'll have you know) Entourage and Deadwood. I know more and more networks are saving some new shows to run as summer shows these days but I always think of the summer as a down time, and so when I find something I want to watch it makes me happy.

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Tuesday, June 13, 2006

If you're going to piss your fame away, then I'll take it.

As I'm sure most people are aware, even if you aren't a sports fan, The Pittsburgh Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger crashed his crotch rocket the other day. At risk when he took to the streets sans helmet and license that day were: His life, the life of other people on the road, his livelihood, the success of his employer and his fellow employees and the hopes and dreams of a legion of fans. But, sure, that's nothing to lose compared to the feeling of the wind in your hair when ride with your dome unprotected, ala Maverick in Top Gun. By the way Ben, I bet you don't have too much of that hair left to blow back on your bike after all of western Pennsylvania's doctors and nurses put humpty dumpty back together again.

Add Big Ben to the ever growing list of well to do members of our society who can't seem to get high enough on their privileged lives with out putting themselves in danger. All of the DUI's all of the hot dogging and all of the extravagant drug use are just a way of these people who have it all dealing with how hard they think they have it, or so they tell us. Or worse they are just "having fun" as if keeping your body safe so you can live to spend all of that money on what ever you could ever want isn't fun enough? Fuck Ben Roethlisberger, JJ Redick and all of the other privileged people who don't know how good they have it.

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Monday, June 12, 2006

Show Review: Cat Power

On Saturday Night Inky and I saw Cat Power at the Town Hall in NYC to round out our weekend in the city that never sleeps. First and foremost, let me say that the Town Hall is a great venue to see a show in. They coined the phrase "not a bad seat in the house" and they are right. We were in the first row of the upper deck, and you could see everything below, and practically feel the music pulse through you. The opening act was among the worst I have ever heard, but that was offset by the amazing performance turned in later by CP and The Memphis Rhythm Band.

Chan and her band were so good in fact that I was never driven to turn around and beet the patron behind me to death with my shoe. Cat Power's husky, bluesie soothing vocals kept me from snapping the little shits neck each time he said something stupid at the quietest moment in a song. She played all of the tracks from her newest album "The Greatest" and then following an outfit change came back out to encore with some of her older work, and a few covers.The show was great all around, and I have to say it was some good work out of Cat Power.

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Sunday, June 11, 2006

Show Review: Missy Higgins & Her Band.

I've taken a few days off from the blog, so Inky and I could take a little sojourn to the city that never sleeps. We did a ton while we were there, but first and foremost I want to post about the Missy Higgins show we saw on Thursday night at the Canal Room in Tribecca. As I have mentioned before, we first heard Missy on the flight to Australia last year, and since then we have followed her closely. We were able to see her as an opening act last summer in Atlantic City, but this was her first show in the US with her full band. It's not that Missy isn't amazing all by her lonesome, because she is, but the show was made even better with Josh, Brett and Tony in tow. The four were in synch on all of the songs they played through out the 90 minute set. Missy's vocals, piano and six string had the mob going up and down. At one moment the hoard were bopping and dancing to "Scar" and the next you could hear a pin drop as she sang "The Special Two." All in attendance were also keenly trained on her every word between songs, as she spoke about their origins.

She played most of the tracks from her debut record, "The Sound of White" and also added in a few of her non album singles, like "The Cactus That Found the Beet" much to my delight . Since it has been two years since the album came out down under, she has had plenty of time to work on new songs, and I was happy to hear two of them last year at the show in AC. They were (if I remember right) "Peachy" and "Sugar Cain" which were both amazing, and I was hoping to hear them again that night, since they are not available in recording yet. She didn't play those but she did play 5 other new songs, one of which will be a huge hit when the new record comes out. That song is called "Steer" and is a song about what it feels like to realize that you control your own destiny, and while I can't say I know how that feels, I can say I know how Missy feels about it. I also very much enjoyed "100 Around the Bends" and "Angelia" among the new songs, and can't wait to buy the record when it comes out.

I was very happy to see the huge crowd that packed the standing room only venue on Broadway, even if a few of them kept calling for "Scar" the big single. Upon the tenth or fifteenth cat call for the song Missy quipped "Oh you just want to hear the big single, how boring" bringing about laughs from the throng. There were a fair amount of Ex Pat Aussies on hand, but there were also a huge number of Americans who have heard Missy and know what I know... that she is a fucking great singer and songwriter. I was also happy to hear the guitar playing of Josh Cunningham of The WAiFS, another Aussie outfit who I hope to catch live this summer.

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Thursday, June 08, 2006

New York Here We Come

My wife and I are on our way to New York today to see a few shows. First up we will check out Missy Higgins tonight at the Canal Room, and then on Saturday we will see Cat Power in mid town. I don't know if I will be able to post from the road, but if I can I will update the Blog with show reviews. NYC here we come!!!

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Wednesday, June 07, 2006

New Number 2.

The more time I have spent talking to people about both, my list and Liz Phair over the last few months I realized I needed to combine the two. So, List meet Liz. I have this list of people I can step out on my wife for, if only for a night, and even thought I will never get the chance, I think it is a good indicator of what a person likes and is like. My wife's list is very telling about her, as is mine.

Why Liz hasn't been on the list is somewhat of a mystery to me. I have always loved her music, and I also think she is one of the sexiest sounding singers in the world. To top that all off, Liz is smoking hot, and has a sexual confidence that I find very alluring.

I also enjoy the fact that she was a kind of cult icon in the mid to late 90's and, unlike some of her other fans, I think she just keeps getting better even though she is coming up on the big 4 - 0 and has a child. The term MILF doesn't even come into play here, because Liz Phair is a fuckin' rock goddess, not just an ordinary mom. I know many people out there still don't know who Liz Phair is, and that is a shame. As I have said in previous posts about her she should be a lot more famous then she is. That said, she jumps to number 2 on my list with a powerful surge that knocks Nicole Kidman right off the list. It's been a while since Nicole has really caught my eye, and I think she was getting a lot of undue credit for being Australian, even though she as all but eliminated her accent. So the list now stands as such:

1) Sheryl Crow - she is getting a bit to skinny for my taste, but her hotness is undeniable

2) Liz Phair - Long overdue

3) Christina Aguilera - With a new record coming out, she should be more visible again

4) Lauren Jackson - Super hot WNBA and Aussie Olympic Basketball star

5) Stacey Keibler - Just holding down this spot for a few more weeks till Angelina gets back.

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Monday, June 05, 2006

I need a man!!!

After a wonderful weekend visit from my friends and family, real life set in today with the onset of another week. It all actually started yesterday, as the wife and I began cleaning up after the weekend party. The first thing to go was the downstairs toilet which was clogged and needed to be plunged. Upon plunging we discovered that the water will not stop flowing into the tank, and so I had to turn off the supply to keep if from over flowing. That sucked, but about three hours later my wife discovered that the oven was no longer lighting, and being as we have an electric pilot light, that is one more trip I have to make to Home Depot.

Then today I got a surprise I normally love: an early morning call from my baby. I work third shift so 8:30 is the end of my day, and the beginning of her's so I like it when we can have a bit of a chat. Only, today's chat was to tell me that we now have another problem, so it wasn't as nice to hear from her. There is water gathering under the sink, which in turn is leaking out on to the floor. For fuck's sake, now I know why people snap and take people hostage. I have spent 20 minutes running the water into the sink to try and see where the leak is, but so far to no avail.

What does all this mean? I'll tell you what: I need a man, not some worthless sack of good looks and quick one liners like myself, but a man who can fix shit. I'm sure a lot of you ladies out there think it would be great to have a guy who can cook, well think again, cause that's all I got. If you ask my wife I think she would swap me for a guest worker with a rudimentary knowledge of plumbing and electrical. So here goes:

MWM seeks Handy M, must be well tempered and good with your hands.
The right guy is good, but doesn't have to let everyone else know about it, and won't mind sleeping in the basement.

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Saturday, June 03, 2006

It's nice to have people to act stupid with.

Today was my long awaited 30th birthday party, and I couldn't be happier with how it turned out. First and foremost it helps to take ones own frame of reference into account when planning a party. Some are very grown up and want a wine and cheese affair, where you sit around and talk about important world events. Some want to get blitzed drunk and jump from bar to bar to bed and wake up with a huge hangover.

I on the other hand wanted a fun, child like party. As I have posted about before, the whole party hinged on my Mother getting me a toy I have whined about not getting for the last 20 years. Once the Flagg was in place I called on my close friends and my family to come and share in my childlike reveling. Although there were some who were sorely missed, those who were able to attend made my big day one I will remember for a long time to come.

Everyone was amazing, and very gracious, generous, and supportive of a 30 year old man who wanted to have a cook out in the style of a 10 year old boy. My cousin stayed up all night to smoke pork butts, that made the most amazing pulled pork bbq. My best friend brought crabs, and the birthday cake which was made by his mother from a vintage GI Joe cake pan. My mother in law made deviled eggs, and my friends all pitched in by helping me with tables and chairs. In short, I couldn't have such a great day without them.

As if all of the food and drink wasn't enough, everyone saw fit to bring a pathetic old man, clinging to his childhood, a well thought out gift. Whether it was feeding my Vault addiction, or spurning on my ever present lust for toys, and electronics I was humbled to see that people thought enough to not only come to the party, but to give me a gift.

My wife was wonderful through out the whole day, and indeed even more wonderful leading up to the party through all of the planning and set up. She, along with my best friend XL, really took the GI Joe theme to heart as she dressed in camouflage pants and combat boots. Many of those in attendance also took the time to engage in a bit of play, whether it be with a paratrooper, a crab on a parachute, or even running a dizzy bat race. I just had an amazing time, and it looked as if most of the party goers did as well.

It can be very freeing to drop some of your inhibitions and just be silly from time to time. What makes the whole endeavor so much more rewarding is when you have awesome people around you to join in with you. So thank you to all who came, and by the way... can you stop by later and pick up some more food?

Thursday, June 01, 2006

A Joke For a Thursday.

Three men are sitting around the water cooler at work talking about how wild their nights were.

"Man, I was so wasted last night that I never even made it home. I passed out in the driver seat of my car along highway 1, and I woke up, covered in puke, with a cop tapping on my window. I don’t know how to tell my wife that I’m going to be losing my licence and that I may have to go to jail for drunk driving." Leo said shaking his head.

The second man spoke up with his story.

"That’s nothing. I met some girl at the club and took her home. My wife walked in to find her on top of me in our bed. She went fuckin’ nuts, throwing things all over the bedroom and then she grabbed the girl by her hair and pulled her out of the room. She threw me out, and told me not to come back. My life is ruined." Barry said, starting to cry.

Then the third fellow spoke up.

"You guys don’t know the half of it. I stumbled into my house and blew chunks right in front of my wife and then passed out right there in the living room. I’ll never be able to live this down." Paul admitted, turning his face from the view of his mates.

"You’ve got to be kidding." Barry retorted angrily. "My marriage is over, and Leo may be going to jail and you’re embarrassed because you blew chunks in front of your wife? It’s only a little vomit Paul, that’s nothing compared to what we went through."

"You guys don’t understand..." Paul responded on the verge of tears "Chunks is my dog."
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