This weekend was the second leg of the "Triple Crown" of horse racing, of which I am not much of a fan. I keep my eye on the big three to see who wins, but I haven't been to a race since I was 18. I only went then because I was old enough to bet, but it didn't draw me in like it does to some. I do remember being awe struck at how fast they can run, and how graceful they can look doing it, all the while being whipped by an angry imp on their back.
If I didn't know before, I know now why horses can run so fast. Enter Mark Woollen of England, who plead guilty the other day to sex with a horse. Let me say that again, this guy, MARK WOLLEN, had sex with a god damn horse! I don't know if I should be shocked, horrified or amazed that he could pull that off without getting kicked to Ireland. I have never ridden a horse but I have all of these residual memories of people telling you never to walk behind them or you may get kicked, and that is just walking, not getting on a step stool and throwing it the high hard one. Hasn't this guy heard of sheep?
Anyway, Woollen has been forbidden from ever going to a stable or any other place where horses live, which I guess is good work out of the judge, but I would have gone for a more creative sentence. The owner of Molly, the horse Woollen "rode" must own a male horse. So I would have set up a turn the other cheeks situation in which the male horse could ride Woollen. It only seems fair to me.