Thursday, March 16, 2006

WM ISO Caged Heat.

In this hectic world it is hard for single people to find other like minded individuals. I am lucky enough to have spent a third of my life with someone I love more than I ever thought possible, and obviously I don't know what the search is like anymore. I was 20 when I started dating my wife, and we met on campus at our college, so we were a bit of a captive audience for one another, which makes finding someone a bit easier. That being said, I have stumbled on one of the strangest dating websites ever, where captive dating audience is taken to a whole other level. As a bit of a back story here, I work for a company that gets thousands of pieces of mail every hour, and the post office sends us a hand full of the wrong mail sometimes. If you use one of those pre-made return address labels be sure that it is stuck to the envelope well, because if it curls up and gets stuck to the letter in front of it at the postal processing center it may go to a high volume site like my employer. When we open a letter we don't look at the envelop, unless upon reading the letter we realize it wasn't meant for us, at which time we reseal the letter and promptly send it on its way to the rightful receiver.

Today we got a letter from a man who was looking for a lady, and with some specific demands too. She needed to be between 31 and 45, white, blond, into the lord and oh yeah by the very nature of the web site he was contacting (why he was using snail mail over email I don't know) this lady needed to be in prison. A convict. Caged Heat anyone? I was more than intrigued by the notion of a prisoners seeking pen pals web site so I jotted down the address and when I got home I logged on and proceeded to laugh myself silly. Don't get me wrong, I know there are a lot of people in jail who probably shouldn't be. And there are even more who did the crime they are in for, but may have had extenuation circumstances for doing so that I will never understand. I don't think these people should be denied contact from the outside world, but you can't turn your back on comedy when it pops up. In the end, however, I do hope these people get rehabilitated and can rejoin society, and on the bright side they may have someone waiting for them when they get out.

Eshawn is a 19 year old female who is in for prostitution in the state of Texas. She will be getting out of the can in early 2009 and she assures potential suitors that she has skills in the bedroom which would lead you to believe that she must be older than 19. She also professes "I have no kids to my knowledge." Classic.

Carrie is a 28 year old permanent resident of Indiana, well at least till her release date in early 2008. She went away for dealing cocaine, but wants to let you know she is a romantic at heart. "I enjoy holding hands, cuddling, kissing, foreplay, walking and spending quiet nights alone with someone I love. I believe in sparing no effort in pampering my man and pleasing him in every way." Sounds great, plus she adds "I will be willing to teach you a few things..." Sure like how to cut coke with Ajax. "...as well as learn a few." Like how to not get caught next time.

You ladies are thinking: Greazy, can I find a man on this sight? Yes you can. In fact the site only lists 32 women, but a whopping 1161 boys. One available fellow wants to let the ladies know what he is looking for. "I'm looking for a female who's in good shape willing to send pictures and likes to hold a conversation through the pen. I'm not looking for a relationship at this point of time just a female pen pal so if you like what you read and see holla back at ya boy." If this sounds good to you just remember that Willard wont be out till 2013, attempted murder kind of ties up ones social calendar you know.

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2 comments:

XL said...

I think we have Jerry Seinfeld to blame for this. Remember the episode where George discovers "congigal sex" and later "fugitive sex", this could've started something...I'm sure a lot of guys out there are looking for a meaningful realtionship with a coke dealer or a whore though so more power to them!!

XL said...

By the way, if Eshawn was born in 85 how the hell does she think she is only 19....?